False hope abounds on ‘Real World’ tape

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Tuesday nights haven’t been the same since the final episode of “The Real World Hawaii” aired. I find myself wandering about aimlessly on Tuesday nights around 10, looking for Ruthie or hoping to hear some words of wisdom from Kaia.
Then my brother showed me something I had only heard about, “The Real World: Hawaii Uncensored.” I forgot to borrow it from him and was forced to purchase it for $11.99, because its not available for rental.
I figured the tape would hold my Hawaii fix over until the next season or at least the next marathon. I was wrong.
The main purpose of this column is to heed warning to all of those “Real World” fans out there who are in the same boat. The video is not uncensored at all, and shows a tiny amount of unseen footage. There are better things you can do with $11.99, like buy Tech Vests, Harry Potter books, or join the Handsome Boy Modeling School.
So after a long hard Thanksgiving meal, where I ate a whole apple pie (honestly), my girlfriend, her sisters and me sat down with much anticipation to be entertained by those wacky kids on MTV one more time. We had hoped to learn something more about the show, like maybe that Ruthie really is related to Tiger Woods. Instead, we were treated to footage that we had already seen.
First off, I don’t understand where they get the title, “Uncensored.” The last time I checked that meant there was NO censorship. Now, at the same time, I understand this is MTV we’re talking about, but I bought the tape with the sole purpose of hearing some bad words spew out of the cast from the Big Island. I never expected to see any nudity, although that would have been an added bonus (the twins!!!), and probably would have made this column unnecessary.
The video, which runs 50 minutes, is 45 minutes too long. All of the cast members (minus everyone’s favorite gay genius, Justin) introduce the various segments. The most disappointing part is that those introduction segments, no one seems to get along.
The segments aren’t anything new; you see some camera operators fall, more blurred nakedness and various other bloopers that were apparent why they weren’t aired.
There are two highlights to the whole show and if you were planning on watching it, don’t read this part. The running time of the two highlight is less than four minutes. One minute is of Justin being interviewed and a huge booger fly out of his nose as he is laughing and the other three minutes is some quality footage of Teck drunk in a Burger King, talking about how he wants to suck on one of the show’s producer’s toes.
If there was a way to get my $11.99 and that 50 minutes back, I would be a much happier person. And after reading this if you still want to see this, e-mail me and I’ll let you borrow it but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
LIFE Et cetera Real World Svengali Andrew Moore can be reached at Moore3am@cmich.edu, and he can also answer any questions you may still have about the Alma waterslides.