So you think you’re cool wearing hats
huh? Well you’re wrong!

Visors have become the “rage” for different people
with all kinds of life styles. From grunge to athletes visors are in.

“Visors are the coolest!” (Say that like Adam Sandler
and it sounds better.)

From my own personal experience visors have been
a luxury for playing sports outside.

While playing intramural softball this past fall,
my friends on the team found it hilarious that I owned three different
pairs of visors.

I couldn’t help it. I’ve played softball for a long
time and my coaches wanted us to wear visors instead of hats. So I kind
of liked wearing them.

The best game was when it was raining and everyone
that didn’t wear a hat was begging me to use my other visors. Yeah,
and they made fun of me for wearing them. Some of them didn’t even know
how to put them on! Then my visor kept them from being blinded from
the rain the whole game. Go figure.

But there was one who understood the power of the
visor. Stephanie Bailey, Plymouth senior, recognized the convenience
of the visor.

“It was a quick whip on and a quick whip off baby,”
she said. “It improved my game greatly! IM softball rocks!”

I feel that the visor helps me to play better than
a hat does because it’s less constricting which allows me to see better
and it fits more comfortably.

When it’s hot outside I don’t like having a hat on
that makes your head get really hot and then you pass out! We can’t
have that happen now can we?

So what’s the big deal anyway?

Visors are great because they still protect your
eyes from the sun, keep the rain out of your face and keep your hair
out of your way.

Not only will they do all this, but they also allow
you to let your own personal style show through.

Let’s just say that you’re a guy and you have some
nice blonde highlights in your hair that you paid a ton of money for.
Do you really want to cover that up? You paid for it didn’t you?

If you’re a girl, and you’re playing a sport you’re
probably going to want to wear a visor. Because visors give you the
option of putting your hair up or down, no matter if it’s cut short
or if it’s long and you can always style it to look good.

When do girls wear hats? Ummm… on a bad hair day.
Sure sometimes we wear them to look cute but how often does that really
happen.

Hats all look the same. Who wants to look the same?
Visors give you the option to be different. People will actually notice
you and remember who you are because you will stick out in their mind.
Unless you’re a psycho, that could be a good thing.

Lots of people have to or want to wear visors. Softball
players, tennis players, golfers, disc jockeys, gamblers, and visor
lovers all over!!!!!!!!

Do you see the Olympic softball team wearing hats?
No. They wear visors and they won the gold medal in 1996. They’re the
best softball players I’ve ever seen and wait! They wear visors! That’s
weird!

Us girls have to deal with ponytails and you know
what? That stupid little hole with the snaps or whatever just doesn’t
cut it anymore. Visors solved that problem.

Go, visors, go!

Even our Lady Chippewas Championship Softball team
wears visors. Cool yellow ones. They’d kick your ass any day “Hat Boy”.

Guys can wear visors too! Rob Niederoest, Grosse
Pointe senior said he wears his visor everytime he goes out or is working.
“I wear my visor because it looks better and it promotes my business
as Raydn James DJ extrordinaire.”

Don’t mess with the visors.

All you hat wearing conformists out there just wearing
a hat because everyone else does can go to hell. Not really but it sounded
like a good idea.

I’m not against hats, because I wear them too, sometimes.
The point is, that visors are damn straight cool too. People should
be able to wear whatever the hell they want to.

I mean, I’m not going to stop you from wearing that
dirty piece of “garbage” on your head. The fact that it hasn’t been
washed since you bought it like five years ago really turns me on. Rrrrright.
Probably not.

Hey “Hat Boy”, nice “hat hair” that looks pretty
cute too. I bet you only wear that hat because you’re too lazy to “do”
your hair or wash it for the public.

By the way, it’s funny sometimes, but when I have
to read “Cocks”, “Trojans”, “Beavers” and “Woody” on your damn hat all
the time, it makes me sick. What’s that all about anyways?

We know you’ve got one (at least you should if you’re
a guy), do you really have to advertise it? Would you really like to
follow your friend and jump off a cliff wearing “Cocks” on your head?
YOUR MOM would really like that one.

Visors make you look “dead sexy” and that’s all I
have to say about that! Damn the hats!

• Hey visor wearers, get a clue, hats are still the
  only way to go

By Adam Graham
LIFE Et cetera Writer

Hats are the best. Visors are stupid.
Visors are for dummies. It’s like, “hi. I wear a hat.” “Oh, hi, nice
to meet you. We should exchange ideas sometime,” instead of “hi, I wear
a visor.” “What are you, a big stupid dummy?”

You see, only dummies wear visors. Stupid dummies
with no brains. Visors also look like they were made by stupid dummies
with no brains. Um, hello, there’s a big hole in it! What a stupid dummy
with no brains.

Baseball players wear hats. Nobody wears visors,
save for the aforementioned stupid dummies with no brains. When you
wear a hat you don’t have to do anything to your hair. That’s the main
reason to wear a hat. Running out of the house? Grab a hat! And for
all the world knows, you could have blue hair with orange spots. Hats
were made to cover blue hair with orange spots.

And nobody ever accused Mount Pleasant hair stylists
of being any good at their jobs. So when one of them completely botches
your head, all you gotta do is throw a hat on. That is, if you have
a hat.

You see, when the same situation is reversed and
the same dollar fifty an hour hairdresser botches a visor wearer’s do,
their security blanket is not only useless, but it might as well be
set on fire.

For the moment you plop that half-hat on to your
head, your ill do is exposed to the masses and you’re left there in
the middle, ripe for the mocking. Don’t be surprised, Mr. or Mrs. “Oh,
My Visor is the Frigging Coolest,” when people laugh and point and say
things like “nice hair, dummy,” and “what, did you actually go to one
of the Mount Pleasant hair boutiques?”

You’ll be left standing there, crushed, feeling like
a stupid dummy sans brains.

(In all fairness to Mount Pleasant hair shops, namely
the Bo Rics on Mission, I’ve never gotten a bad hair cut there, and
I only took offense to the lot of you to further my point. Really, it
was nothing personal, and was not meant to be taken seriously.)

Then, like, if you wear your hat backwards, it looks
a hell of a lot cooler than if you like wear a visor backwards. Because
when you wear a hat backwards, it’s a completely different look, and
you can even be super cool and cock it to the side a tad like the guys
in Blink 182.

But if you wear a visor backwards, you look like
you’re trying to be Flavor Flav or someone else who’s been played out
since the early 1990s. Then you have to wear a bunch of clocks around
your neck and say things like “yo, G” and who wants all that baggage?

Hats look casual. Visors look like you’re trying
too hard or to be hard. Hats keep your head warm in the winter. Visors
don’t, because of that whole hole-in-the-top thing.

If you’re going to wear a visor, you’re better off
just not wearing anything at all. When you flunk that test you just
took and you’ve got nothing on your head, it’s not going to look as
bad as when you flunk it and you’ve got a stupid visor on your head.
The professor will just look at you and be all, “what, you’re surprised?”
and you’ll be comeback-less, being as how you look like a jackanapes.

Visors vs. hats? Come on. It’s not even an issue.
Oh, this is a joke, right? Oh, that was a good one. Like, as if anybody
wears visors. Visors! I can’t believe I fell for this one. I’ll get
you people, I swear!

Advantage: Hats. You better recognize, dummies!

E-mail the author: Heather SonntagLIFE Et Cetera Writer