‘Rad’ defeats Moore

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Skulls (1) vs. “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”
(16)
The Waffle House Exit 264 Terrier,
OH
“Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” never knew what hit them, Skulls
proved that Whoopi and the rest of her cohorts were nothing but a flash
in the pan, making minced meat of the sad film from 1986 directed by
Laverne and Shirley alum Penny Marshall buckled under the dominance
of Skulls.
Afterall, two former presidents are Skulls and the
only way out of the tight-knitted group is in a wooden box.
Winner: Skulls

Escalators (8) vs. Garbage Disposals
(9)
A secret location in Antarctica
One too many pant legs were caught in the escalators,
disqualifying the number eight seed before the game even began.
“Escalators take lives, garbage disposals just eat
jewelry. Jewelry can be replaced, lives can’t,” stated an Et Cetera
March Madness official who wished to remain nameless.
Winner: Garbage Disposals

Mandy Moore (4) vs. “Rad” (13)
Helltrack, Cochrene, TX
“Oh my heart a backflip, Hulk Hogan eat your heart
out!”
Cru Jones and the rest of the crew from the 1986
BMX cult classic came out of the gates with an amazingly unfair home
court advantage. Unfortunately for Mandy Moore, the luck of the draw
was never in her favor.
She feebly attempted to offer the officials candy
and tried to explain that she was only 15, but nothing helped. At one
point she even challenged Christian Holly (the only female of the “Rad”
team) to a dance off.
Little did she know Holly’s abilities to “bicycle
boogie,” as illustrated in the legendary scene in “Rad” at the welcome
dance.
Underdog or not, “Rad,” played like a top seed and
is prepared to freestyle 80′s style over their next opponent.
“We’re ready to go and are willing to pull out all
the stops in this tournament to bring home that gnarly trophy,” boasted
Jones, captain of the team.
Winner: “Rad”

Chocolate Milk (5) vs. Garbage
Pail Kids (12)
Hazel Park Raceway, Hazel Park, MI
Prior to the match-up, The Garbage Pail Kids received
a call from 80′s buddies “Rad” announcing their victory. This apparently
was all the Kids needed to rally to victory.
Chocolate was left stunned, “we’re a crowd favorite,
the kids love us, they always have. This loss was devastating.”
Joltin’ Joe, team captain, simply grossed out chocolate
milk to the point that they couldn’t go on.
“Our next match-up is a tough one considering they
were our rallying point, but let’s face it, “Rad” is nothing but a washed
up 80′s cheese flick. Then you have us, were valuable collector’s items,
no one collects “Rad” memorabilia,” Joe said.
Winner: Garbage Pail Kids