Jerry Hoffman

Fame and fortune live forever in the minds of many Americans. In many instances,
these two come hand in hand like a pair of lovers down a street. However,
as most relationships find, a pair such as this can be broken. Who better
to demonstrate this than Lauren Handley, Grosse Pointe Farms sophomore?
Handley said that she chose Central because of its location and offerings
in courses.
“It’s not too far from home, but not too close, either,” said Handley. “The
people are friendly, and the university seems to care about their students,
and wants them to be successful.”
But, for all the goodness that Central provides her, there are some bad
apples in the bunch. Handley said that she doesn’t enjoy history or government
classes because they are boring. However, she does like to learn about geology
and psychology.
“I find it interesting,” Handley said. “I like science, and learning about
rocks and gems and volcanos. I also like to learn about why people act
the way that they do.”
She also feels that Central should take into consideration the aquanauts
that are lurking about the campus.
“I like to swim, but Central doesn’t have a swim team, or even a club,”
Handley said. “They should at least start a club here.”
Another of Central’s ills according to Handley is Preacher Rick, who is
currently out of the direct control of the university.
“I don’t listen to him,” said Handley. “I think that he’s really extreme
standing there yelling at people. It [probably] makes them uncomfortable
walking past him and worrying about whether or not he’s going to grab them.”
However, Handley does enjoy living on-campus, as opposed to an apartment
somewhere in the sticks.
“It makes all of my classes easily accessible, and it’s easier to get to
a counselor and things like that,” Handley said.
When Handley is not dodging Preacher Rick or examining some granite samples,
she could be found at The Wayside, or more likely at The Pub.
“The Pub isn’t so trashy, and the atmosphere is nicer,” said Handley. “Plus,
it seems like the people who are there are higher class.”
If the bar doesn’t seem like such a good idea, Handley and her groups of
friends might be seen at a party somewhere in Mt. Pleasant.
“I like going to parties with my friends, hanging out, and listening to
music,” said Handley. “I like the stereotypical party here, with dance music
playing.”
However, if she should get into a crash on the way home and wake up dead,
she might find the music of such bands as Marilyn Manson welcoming her across
the river Styx into the land of the dead.
She might just find her way back across that river with eight lives to go
if she was partying as Catwoman, her favorite cartoon character.
“I like her outfit,” said Handley “She’s cool, and she seems tough, and
it seems like she can hold her own.
If that was the case, then it might not be the best idea for her to keep
her squirrel collection of almost 200 pieces.
“One year, my aunt decided that I needed to have a squirrel collection,
since she’s into collecting things,” Handley said. So for every holiday,
she gave me a box of squirrel stuff that she had been looking for since
the holiday before that. After that many, it kind of stuck.”
However, with about a million dollars and no taxes on it, she wouldn’t be
after more squirrels for her collection.
“I would go shopping for clothes, buy a car, and buy everything that I wanted,”
said Handley. “I would also save some, and pay off the rest of college.”

“I love [college] thoroughly,” said Handley. “I have a lot of freedom that
I didn’t have before, I’m doing well in classes, and made a lot of new best
friends.”
Ending on a light note, Lauren Handley vanishes back into the sea of students.
The only difference between the past and the future for her is that now
she is just a little more well known on the path to fame.

E-mail the author: David PalmerLIFE Et cetera Writer