Top ten idiots of all time

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Do you remember that Refreshments song, “Banditos?” Sure you do. In
it, they sang how, “The world is full of stupid people.” This statement
is true no matter what time period one is in.
So, to reflect the long tradition of stupidity among the world’s people,
Et cetera has gathered the names and stories of the ten biggest idiots the world
has ever seen.
10. Joseph Hazelwood. Better known to his friends as Captain, Mr. Hazelwood
is famous for crashing the large Exxon Valdez oil tanker in Prince William Sound,
spilling some 11.2 million gallons of oil. The environmental damage made the news
the world over; the captain made this list.
Lesson to learn? Don’t drink and drive, dumbass.
9. The French. There is something about the French culture that screams
of idiocy. Perhaps it’s their infatuation with so-called comedian Jerry Lewis.
Perhaps it’s because they honestly think they’d have beaten the Nazi’s
without us.
Lesson to learn? Try to avoid acting French. It’s okay to be a Frenchman;
just don’t act like one.
8. Morons who developed cock fighting. A “sport” more than a
thousand years old, cock fighting sets one chicken against another in a fight
to the death. It is quite possibly the dumbest sport ever.
Lesson to learn? Don’t fight with cocks.
7. Nero. Remember emperor Nero from your world history class? If not, he’s
the genius who fiddled while Rome burned. Though he isn’t necessarily a great
historical figure, allowing a city to burn while you sit on your lazy ass seems
too over-the-top to be skipped by Et cetera.
Lesson to learn? If you’re going to burn a city, pick something worthless.
Like LA.
6. Homer J. Simpson. Sure, Homer isn’t a real person. But he personifies
idiots everywhere. I mean, who sells their soul for a doughnut?
Lesson to learn? Try not to be a yellow man. Whatever that means.
5. General Custer. The guy got his butt whipped by a horde of less-trained,
less-equipped natives. And he’s from Taylor, Michigan.
Lesson to learn? Never underestimate the power of people pissed off at you
for stealing their land. Unless you want to be a famous idiot, of course. And
move out of Taylor.
4. Karl Marx, the founder of Communism. Never in the history of mankind
have the incoherent ramblings of one social outcast caused so much death, destruction
and despair. This idiot’s writings led to the destruction of the Russian
economy, as well as a host of eastern European and Latin American countries. He’d
be number one on our list had he actually killed people, instead of inspiring
the slaughter of millions.
Lesson to learn? Regardless of what a professor tells you, don’t ever,
EVER become a Marxist.
3. Edward J. Smith, Captain of the Titanic. This one was a tough slot to
fill. On the one hand, you have to think the guy who sunk an unsinkable boat and
killed a bunch of people is an idiot. On the other hand, maybe it was the people
who put him in charge. On September 20, 1911, the boat Olympic, under the command
of Captain Edward J. Smith, collided with HMS Hawke, a Royal Navy cruiser. There
was so much damage to both boats it took weeks to repair. Smith was rewarded with
a promotion—to the Titanic.
Lesson to learn? When a guy crashes his boat, don’t give him a bigger
one!
2. The guys who strung up Jesus. What the hell were they thinking? Even
if they didn’t think he was the son of God, why risk it? I mean, it’s
the son of God. It was Christ! And they were like, “uhh, hey, let’s
kill him.” Idiots.
Lesson to learn? Try not to kill the son of God. Ever.
1. Adolf Hitler. Hitler was personally responsible for WWII, the Holocaust
slaughter of over ten million non-Aryan Germans, the onset of the Cold War, and
was the impetus behind the development of nuclear weapons. He is not just an idiot,
he’s the biggest ass the world has ever seen.
Lesson to learn? Do not grow a mini mustache.