Tuesday Night Live

• Tweet
• 

Rose Arena was filled with the sounds of laughter and cheering when Colin Quinn
took the stage Tuesday night to bring forth his comedic stylings.
The show opened with four contestants who were squaring off for the title of
funniest person on campus. While two were practically booed off the stage, the
other two were readily appreciated by the crowd.
The vote for the funniest of the four was taken after all contestants had performed
their various acts by way of applause. The winner of the contest turned out
to be Andy Peters, Monroe freshman, by a wild and screaming majority of the
crowd.

Colin Quinn took the stage after this amidst a wild ovation by the crowd. He
immediately launched into a segment about mid-Michigan, and how this is the
only place that you can major in brake pads. He told the crowd that Oil City
had a sign that said “In order to enter the city, you must have a mullet.”
He then went on to the ever-popular topic of drinking, and noted that when guys
get drunk, they turn tough, but when girls drink, they turn into thieves.
Quinn continued his comedy by talking about how guys are always in competition
with each other, and how some use things against you from when you were seven
years old. He also said that guys like violence, and even Ghandi is no exception
despite his nonviolent approach to life. He also noted that most guys who are
under 150 pounds practice nonviolence, and most guys over 200 think that a left
hook can cure cancer. He also noted that guys are always under tremendous pressure
from their friends back home to get laid at college.
He then turned his attention to the gun control issue, and said that if guns
are taken away, they should be replaced with swords. That way, there could be
no drive-bys and people would have to fight like gentlemen.
Quinn then poked fun at the new music that is on the market today, and said
that their videos aren’t really videos but home invasions caught on tape.
He then went back to his bit about guys and the pressure on them to get laid
at college. He noted that guys tend to agree with what women say more and more
the closer that they get to sex. He also noted that guys never want to get up
to go to the bathroom when they’re close to sex, either.
Quinn then looked at the college relationship from the woman’s point of
view. He said that women don’t want to hear guy’s opinions, they just
want to be agreed with. Also, he said that when women get bored, they want to
fight.

He then went on to the topic of the bar, and the typical four people who go
to the bar.
The four guys were: the guy with the car who is only there because he has a
nice ride; the good-looking guy who has a girlfriend, but is probably going
to get laid anyway; the tough guy who is always looking for a fight, and the
wasted guy, who has the night revolve around him.
The typical four girls were: the leader who the other girls think is hilarious,
and has some butch qualities to her like farting in front of guys; the engaged
girl who is the hottest one, but will never screw around with anyone; the abused
girl who is knocked around by her boyfriend and cries in the middle of the bar,
and the slut who also runs the night at the bar. He went on the describe the
typical night out on the town, and the day after hangover when everyone swears
off drinking forever. He noted that people always blamed everything else in
the world for their condition except for alcohol.
Overall, Colin Quinn put on a great show. He turned out to be much funnier as
a stand-up comedian than in his usual spot on Saturday Night Live. However,
his show did have a few dead spots in it when he was just talking to the audience
while trying to set up his next joke. Quinn did have some funny material, and
had the whole audience in stitches at various points in the show.