‘Malibu’s Most Wanted’ sucks; word!

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Yo, check it. “Malibu’s Most Wanted” is not a dope exercise in hilarity.

It’s just wack. From beginning to end, it straight trips off the handle, tries to poke fun at itself, but ends up frontin’ some mad headaches by not bein’ down with the laughs.

Jamie Kennedy presides over this hip-hoppin’ awful movie as wannabe rapper B-Rad (Brad) Gluckman, a pasty white guy who thinks he’s down with the hood.

Only, his hood is full of private beaches, expensive rides and a diz-ad (Ryan O’Neal) who is running for governor in California.

When B-Rad’s plans to help his father win the election makes the entire campaign a mockery of politics, two men from the campaign arrange to have Brad kidnapped, to “scare the hood out of him.” The kidnappers, two classically trained actors (Taye Diggs and Anthony Anderson) are supposed to act “ghetto” and show Brad the streets are rough and tough.

Their adventures take B-Rad to a liquor store, a rap battle, a real gangsta shoot-out and an exploding house. And just for kicks, Snoop Dogg stops by and offers some sage-like advise about how B-rad’s rhymes are wack.

So, what “Malibu’s Most Wanted” tries to be is a parody of “8 Mile” by stealing the plot from “Black Sheep.” Oh, bi-zoy, pass the grenade launcher, we’ve just landed on Ground Zero.

Those unfamiliar with Kennedy’s television work (this critic included) won’t realize there is more to B-Rad than just what is seen on screen. And we might be better off. Kennedy’s work here, while stupendously stupid, is a pretty good acting job, only it becomes overbearing after about five minutes.

And it seems that’s the main dysfunction of “Malibu’s Most wanted.”

Along with countless other non-funny sketches that manage to find their way to the silver screen, it’s amazing this kind of movie is around still.

What’s even more amazing, “Malibu’s Most Wanted” had a slew of writers, and not one of them could come up with a joke that was funny.

Director John Whitesell should stick to doing television shows. His television background doesn’t help “Malibu” rise from the small screen to the big screen, so it feels like the movie is one long, commercial-free assault on the senses that insults our intelligence while open-handedly taking our money.

Hey, maybe I am being too hard on “Malibu’s Most Wanted,” but I only have one simple requirement for comedies like this: be funny.

“Malibu’s Most Wanted” is not funny. It’s not even amusing. It is a 90-minute steaming pile of dog poop that only gets laughs while the end credits are rolling.