Three years ago my mom’s ex-husband crossed the line and hit her.
The verbal abuse had gone too far this time — it turned into
violence, a growing problem in society and here at CMU.
The incident started as a disagreement and escalated as calm talking
turned into pushing and shoving.
My mom, fearing the man she married may hit her, ran into her
bedroom and locked the door.
Not willing to let the situation cool, like experts suggest, he tore
the door of the frame and proceeded to trap her into a corner.
She dialed 911 from the landline but he ripped it out of the wall
before the call went through. She called my phone from her cell.
He threw the phone to the ground, but didn’t break it.
I knew what was happening.
Signs of Abuse
Some times people ignore abuse signs. If you answer yes to any of these questions, there could be a problem.
Does your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband
- Ignore your feelings?
- Disrespect you?
- Withhold approval, appreciation or affection?
- Criticize you, call you names, yell at you?
- Humiliate you?
- Tell you, you are too sensitive?
- Hurt you especially when you are down?
- Seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?
- Have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?
- Twist your words, somehow turning what you said against you?
- Try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?
- Complain about how badly you treat him or her?
- Say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?
- Promise to never do something hurtful again?
- Harass you about imagined affairs?
- Manipulate you with lies?
- Act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?
- Question your every move and motive?
- Interrupt you; hear but not really listen?
- Make you feel like you can’t win?
- Use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?
- Try to convince you he or she is “right,” while you are “wrong?”
- Treat you like a sex object, or demand sex?
Compiled by Dr. Irene Matiatos
The Midland Police Department beat me to my house by five minutes.
Verbal abuse gone too far.
Steve Thompson, CMU Sexual Aggression Services coordinator, said at
the high school and college level verbal abuse occurs in about one in
five relationships.
After college, verbal abuse occurs in one in three relationships and
marriages.
Thompson said the abuse starts small with “guys making up the rules
to a game she can’t win.”
Eventually it turns into more severe put-downs and who knows where
it could go from there.
Sometimes it doesn’t go past put-downs, he said. Pinpointing the
number of verbally abusive relationships that cross the line into
violence is difficult, but Thompson said in some cases verbal abuse is
more damaging.
My mom dealt with my dad’s put-downs for 19 years and then dealt
with it from her ex husband for a year before ending it.
She finally saw the light, unfortunately it was too late.
Others can learn from my mother — Don’t let the verbal abuse go too
far.
All are at fault. It is a two-way street. Women abuse men too. It is
recognizing and solving the problem before anyone gets hurt, mentally
or physically, that’s important.
Thompson recommends those dealing with abuse problems contact Sexual
Aggression Peer Advocates. SAPA has a crisis line operated by 35
students, who volunteer to provide confidential support to friends and
family of and victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, stalking,
harassment, child abuse and other forms of sexual aggression.
SAPA will help those in need get help.
The can be reached at 774-2255 or at sapa@cmich.edu. The group’s Web
site is www.sapa.cmich.edu.
Life Editor Adam Trumble can be reached for comment at
editor@cm-life.com.
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