Reckless.

That’s how Brighton senior Emily Parsons described her first year of college – a series of frivolous spending, partying and other decisions she now regards as irresponsible.

But back then, she didn’t know what was causing it. She hadn’t suspected it was bipolar disorder.

“I was just not me,” she said.

Parsons is one of 5.7 million American adults, or 2.7 percent of the U.S. population ages 18 years old and older, affected by bipolar disorder, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

Yet despite going a year without diagnosis, and despite an illness she will have for life, Parsons plans to graduate in May 2010 with a degree in art education and a minor in speech education.

Sinking into depression

Looking back, Parsons said she experienced symptoms around the end of her senior year of high school in May 2004. She attributed her depression to the drastic changes occurring in her life – the transition from high school to college.

Andrea Cappuccilli, a former CMU student and a high school friend of Parsons, said she first noticed Parsons’ behavior toward the middle of the school year.

Parsons exercised often, hardly ate anything and lost a lot of weight, Cappuccilli said.

Parsons also began to distance herself from her friends.

“She didn’t want to hang out anymore,” Cappuccilli said.

Though Parsons’ behavior was peculiar, Cappuccilli said she and her friends didn’t suspect anything was wrong – they simply thought Parsons no longer cared much for her friends.

Brian Parsons, Emily Parsons’ father, said though now the signs are obvious, he hadn’t suspected Emily’s behavior was symptomatic of something serious.

He said during Emily’s senior year, the school had called him to take her home.

“She was just kind of … I don’t know … out of it,” Brian Parsons said.

Brian Parsons said he had thought Emily would get better on her own – after all, her grades still were fine.

But he didn’t know about bipolar disorder, and he said doctors and school officials did not provide any information about the illness. He’d thought Emily’s symptoms were from her allergy medicine.

To college

Emily Parsons said she remained in a deep depression throughout the following summer.

Despite having made arrangements to go to Western Michigan University, she made a last-minute decision to attend Eastern Michigan University. She could commute rather than move away from home.

During her first semester, she said, she began to fall into a “mixed state,” the point between depression and mania in bipolar disorder. She failed six of her 12 credits.

“I was just careless with my life,” she said, citing instances of high-speed driving and binge drinking. “I had my priorities all mixed up.”

Cappuccilli said she hadn’t seen Emily Parsons all summer, and then saw her at restaurant during her high school’s homecoming weekend in October.

Cappuccilli said she’d first noticed Emily had gained weight, but thought it was because of the usual list of collegiate factors: Stress and the “freshman 15.”

Following that night, Cappuccilli said, the two kept in touch, and Cappuccilli became aware of Emily Parsons’ poor decisions, ranging from excessive shopping to ruthless partying.

Brian Parsons said he noticed Emily’s poor behavior, from falling grades to staying up late, but he and his wife figured it was just a phase.

“We attributed everything to other causes,” Brian Parsons said.

Spinning out of control

The next spring, Emily Parsons said, she transferred to Washtenaw Community College. At this point, she and Cappuccilli had planned to attend CMU together, though Emily said she knew her grades were too poor.

Emily Parsons said her mood had been improving – getting better and better and better, to the point that her energy became manic.

“I would just constantly be doing something,” she said.

She held two jobs and was taking 18 credits, and by semester’s end, she said, everything was spinning out of control.

She would interrupt people. She lost track of what was appropriate to say. She’d stay awake all night.

Emily Parsons said she’d spend all night on the phone or on the computer, “doing anything but sleeping.”

That May, Emily Parsons said she had stayed up for four days without sleeping.

The last night, around 2 or 3 a.m., she admitted something was wrong.

Brian Parsons recalled being terrified. He and Emily were on a fishing trip, and Emily spent her nights in the car, making phone calls. Nothing made sense, he said.

“She was talking extremely fast – just one thing after another,” he said.

They went to the University of Michigan psychological emergency department, where a doctor saw Emily. “Classic bipolar,” Brian Parsons recalled the doctor saying.

“Finally we were given a brochure, and it was a major slam,” Brian Parsons said.

Recovery

Emily Parsons said upon hearing her diagnosis, she went through stages of grief: Denial to anger to shame about her mistakes.

She said she had realized she had hurt her friends and family.

“And then it’s like you’re angry because you have to live with it for the rest of your life,” Emily Parsons said.

She said she’d learned how to handle the disorder, using an appropriate combination of medication, therapy and support from friends, family and doctors.

Cappuccilli said she had to wait about a month before visiting Emily Parsons, as Emily required time to recover.

“It was hard for me to see her going through this because she was like my sister,” Cappuccilli said.

After a low-key summer without drinking or smoking, Emily Parsons and Cappuciclli headed to CMU – to the concern of Emily’s parents.

But after approval from doctors and nurses, Brian Parsons said he came to accept Emily’s decision.

In fall 2005, Emily Parsons came to CMU. Her first semester was just like any “average student,” she said. And despite occasional problems, she said, she is on track to graduate.

Brian Parsons said he and his wife “couldn’t be more proud.”

Undiagnosed

Despite more than a year of undiagnosed symptoms, Brian Parsons said he considers Emily’s case to have been lucky. She still was at home, he said, and she was able to receive treatment.

Though her symptoms are obvious now, Brian Parsons said he’d wished schools and hospitals would have made mental health concerns more prominent.

He said he and his wife had completely overlooked an illness that was seriously harming their daughter.

“It does give you a lot of guilt, believe me,” he said.

Emily Parsons, who is president of the CMU chapter of Active Minds, said many people know little about bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. They form stigmas based around untrue stereotypes, she said.

Greater awareness could have led to a faster diagnosis, she said.

“If my family and I knew what bipolar disorder was, we wouldn’t have suffered as long as we did,” she said.

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