I have been asked to clarify some remarks that I made in a publication that hit newsstands on Wednesday.
The comment in question is a joke that I made saying that I wish a woman would offer her body rather than money for a pizza delivery.
The key word here is “joke.”
For the record, I was a Sexual Aggression Peer Advocate for six years. I have been part of dozens of programs all across the country, promoting the rights of women and condemning offensive behavior toward the idea of Sexual Aggression.
My comment was making a reference to a movie called “Loverboy,” in which a pizza delivery guy becomes a gigolo for hire.
I made the joke that while it has never happened to me, it is a fantasy that I wouldn’t refuse.
The joke that I made was made in sarcasm, and did not, in any way, depict an act of anything non-consensual.
To those who took offense to it, I apologize.
I wish you would have gotten the sarcasm rather than taken it literally.
However, any thoughts that I, or any of my affiliates, specifically The Cabin and SAPA, are in any way promoting the objectification of women can be dismissed.
To boycott The Cabin or accost SAPA members about one joke made by me personally would be a misplaced act of aggression.
Was my joke crass?
Yes.
Was it, perhaps, in bad taste?
Sure.
But does it promote Sexual Aggression or the objectification of women?
No.
If you disagree, please, come talk to me about it personally.
I would love to set the record straight.
But don’t take it out on my place of employment or my former colleagues — they have done nothing wrong.
Finally, I will say that joke does not appeal to everyone.
I have received mixed reactions to my joke by males and females alike.
You don’t have to agree with it, you don’t have to like it.
That is your right.
But you don’t need to be afraid to have me deliver a pizza to you.
I’ll hand you your food, you hand me money, and the transaction is over.
And I promise that if you make a joke that I don’t find funny, I wont condemn you for it.
Braden Thompson
The Cabin employee
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Letter to the Editor
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People seriously thought that? I wish women would stop victimizing themselves. It’s really annoying that women want to be perceived as these real, strong women, yet the instance any tone by any man could *possibly* be perceived as offensive or victimizing, women get in this huge hissy about it. It’s generally embarrassing to our gender. STOP.
For those who enjoy this sort of thing, let’s take a walk through the process.
1. Employee makes offhand, mildly-off color remark in an article about a local business.
2. Some people notice, few people care.
3. Those few that care, however, are really vocal. They write, they complain, they make their displeasure known to the local business.
4. Employee then perfrms the Acts of Contrition:
a. he tells us he’s a fantastic guy, a champion of womens rights
b. he lets us know it was joke, just sarcasm, our of context
c. he tells us what he did was not wrong–we just didn’t get that hilarious reference to a 1989 (!) movie
d. he makes the classic non-apology apologies (“To those who took offense to it, I apologize” and the ever popular “You don’t have to agree with it, you don’t have to like it. That is your right.”)
e. he tells us how we ought to respond, what we ought to do, and what we *absolutely should not do* (think that an employee = a business)…the ritual covering of the butt
Did I find the joke offensive? Not at all. Lame and sad, but not offensive.
But what you have to realize is that the people who really *are* offended get to decide why they are offended and how far they are willing to take their displeasure. The guy who did the offensive thing (even if in his mind it wasn’t offensive) doesn’t get to set limits on the reaction. The non-apology apology doesn’t help a bit. All I get from this letter is that the guy who made the joke is upset about the consequences (and I think a boycott of the Cabin would be excessive, misplaced, and goofy) but doesn’t see anything wrong in the cause (“Come talk to me,” he says, so he can set the record straight, help you understand why *you* are wrong).
Am I going to avoid the Cabin? Only until I get off work myself tonight. But I think if youre going to bother offering something like an apology, at least try to make it substantial or sincere. Otherwise you’re better off letting things blow over on their own.
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was victimizing myself and my entire gender when I demand to be treated as a human being. I will not sit back and let racist, ageist, classist, homophobic and, yes, sexist language and stereotyping persist. Perpetuating the idea of the sorority girl and the seductress sexualizes and objectifies women, creating a society that marginalizes the female half of the population, and infantilizes the male half. So, I think I’ll continue to have a “hissy”.
@Braden The problem for me with your argument is that you say you participated in SAPA and other programs to promote women’s rights and condemn sexual aggression…but if you truly did support these programs and not just going through the motions, you would not be joking or making light of the relevant situations. I am very much against racism (different example but I just got into a debate with someone on this recently so it is fresh on my mind) and do not like when others make racist jokes. These same people then try to use the lame excuse that it’s “just a joke.” If you are truly in support of the things you say you are (and on the flip side are against the things you say you are) I would encourage you to pay more attention to your choice of words and also the things you decide to joke about because in doing so you will give more strength to your statements of support that honestly at the moment seem hollow.
CMUwoman..
You think America is bad? Go to Saudi Arabia.
You have it good.
I’m sure you’ve said sentences in life that put men in a generalizing context..so what?
I agree wholeheartedly with both Nikki Sics and CMUWoman.
It’s true, pizza delivery guy: if you were truly involved in groups that promote women’s rights and discourage abuse against women, it seems like you would’ve picked up on the fact that joking about a woman whoring herself for pizza instead of paying for it isn’t typically considered funny by most women. In fact, it shouldn’t be considered funny to most people, male or female. Think about it: what is funny about that joke? I’d love to know. I’m trying…I’m imagining the scene….A pizza delivery guy rolls up to an apartment. A girl answers the door. The guy says “That’ll be $15.” The girl says, “How ’bout I pay you with something else?” Sex ensues. That’s not a joke. It’s the opening scene of a bad porno. What’s offensive about your “joke,” pizza delivery dude, is that you’re equating female sexuality with money, which is THE bane of womens’ existence. So, thanks for helping set the women’s equality movement back a few years. Go back to SAPA and learn how to be a respectful human, please.
To my dear Glenn Beck, you little genius. My goodness, aren’t you smart? I think most people with half a brain realize we have it way better as Americans than many many other people in the world. If you thought that pointing that out made you sound really smart, um… it didn’t.) Living in a privileged country does not justify immoral behavior. How can you say that since we are lucky and live in America that we deserve to disrespect and defame each other? So what you’re saying is that American women don’t have to walk around with long skirts on and their hair and faces covered, but we DO have to put up with asinine “jokes” about how women can pay for things with sex because somehow the female form and money have become synonymous with each other? That’s not good enough. America is supposed to be better than that, and if you have a problem with paying due respect to your fellow humans, maybe you should go live elsewhere. And if you want to live somewhere where you can defame women and other minorities and they won’t get mad about it, again…maybe you should go live elsewhere.
Furthermore Glenn, the fact is that everyone has said something derogatory against many groups of people. Oddly enough, it seems that derogatory jokes against women are the ones that are deemed “funny” enough to get onto television or into advertisements. Women can make all the belittling comments about men that they want: it will NEVER get the attention in the media that an anti-women comment would, which is a perfect example of why people in a place of privilege (white, male or both) cannot abuse their power. Because as soon as you do, it’ll end up in the media (like a college newspaper, for example) and it only perpetuates the idea that it’s ok to say things like that. That’s really the issue here. You have no idea, as a privileged person, how much power you hold and how much you abuse it when you make a disparaging comment about women or any other minority.
The fact is this: there is no middle of the road. People (or more specifically, women) who thought this joke is funny are considered weak and a detriment to the womens’ equality movement, which is ongoing even in the 21st century. Women who thought this joke was anything but funny (like me) are considered unfeminine butch femi-nazis who don’t know how to have a good time. It’d be nice to be able to make a joke about something and not have 35 people telling you how insensitive you are every time you do. But that’s not the world we live in. Pizza delivery guy, I hope you learned your lesson from all this. Making a joke about a woman whoring herself for food (to an audience that contained women) probably seemed funny at the time. Think it over for a second longer, next time. Or better yet, next time why don’t you tell some anti-Jewish jokes at a Jewish Community Center and see how funny they think it is? Or walk up to a black person, call them the n word, and see how hard they laugh.
Your apology will never be accepted by these liberals. They don’t want it. What they want is to humiliate you over and over for daring to not be PC. Your best bet would be to stand by your statement and even go further making it more insulting. It leaves them no where to go and absolutely INFURIATES them.
I debate these panty waste on every possible occasion and it is a great tactic.
For anyone who’s offended by his joke and think that it references rape, I have to ask you where rape was even an issue in the article.
The guy CLEARLY made a joke, and I’m wondering this for all of you do-gooders that feel so terribly offended by this: have you ever made an off-color remark or joke? If you have, then you know how humiliating it is for people to ridicule and harass you about it instead of forgiving and letting it go. If you haven’t, you’re lying.
Anyone who feels that his apology was “insincere” needs to stop and think before they blurt out their displeasure with it. His apology is sincere, and the request to not be callus and blame businesses and groups the guy is associated with is reasonable for a MILDLY off color joke. To paraphrase, Thompson says that:
He’s sorry he offended people. The joke was in bad taste. Please don’t be hasty in judging the company he works for because of the joke he now realizes offended people. Please talk to him instead if you’re unhappy about it.
Let it go, or talk to HIM. He’s not advocating rape or prostitution. He’s not saying that a woman’s sexuality is equal to that of a large pepperoni with Cabin Stix. He in no way even begins to assert that he is tempted in any way to force a woman to provide sexual favors for him.
The fact that people think that members of SAPA or any other sexaul aggression organization are perfect little angels is an unrealistic expectation. I know members personally that make sexual jokes all the time, and I’m not surprised, nor offended that they do. That doesn’t mean that they won’t help someone at risk of being sexually assaulted or promote deviant behavior.
What he did wasn’t wrong. How can anyone think that his joke is morally wrong? A guy wants to have sex with a girl that is offering it to him. How is that a perverse, off color thought? Even comparing a woman wanting to fornicate with the pizza guy to prostitution (or rape) is absurd, for one important reason. The woman in the scenario Thompson refers to isn’t the sexual object. Instead, the PIZZA GUY becomes the sexual object. Guess a lot of people missed that one.
Let’s say that a woman orders a pizza and then seductively offers herself to the pizza guy. Do you really think the exchange of a pizza really matters in the whole deal, or even makes the situation about prostitution or rape? I don’t really think so, seeing as how in the scenario Thompson is referring to, it’s clear that the woman wants to have sex willingly with the pizza guy.
Get over your rightiouness. It will certainly serve a better purpose elsewhere instead of ridiculing a guy who was probably thrilled that he’s getting any sort of respect for a job that typically goes unnoticed and taken for granted.
wait wait I got an ender to this….remember about that thing about sticks and stones.
OMG, you were offended. How about you act like an adult and move on instead of crying like a baby. I find it offensive the lot of you don’t know how to let things go.
I find a good majority of people who complain about stuff like this are unattractive and offended that they’re not put on a pedestal because how they look.
And Pam is right, if you were really part of SAPA you’d hate men and make excuses for women who don’t report their attacks allowing their attack another chance to rape again. Any woman who gets raped by someone who a previous victim didn’t report on should be allowed to sue the first victim in court and ask for prosecution. It’s no different than if you saw a rape in progress in the street and did nothing to stop it. I’m sure the woman after you understands it fully when you did nothing to stop her from being raped.
This discussion would be most productive if comments were related to the content of the original article or the letter to the editor. Posting personal attacks and vile insinuations about others who have posted (or insensitive generalizations about survivors of sexual assault) only contributes to a culture of hostility instead of safety and justice.
To Please: you say, “if you were really part of SAPA you’d hate men and make excuses for women who don’t report their attacks ” – are you serious? You’re an idiot. Hating men because mostly men are rapists is like saying if you’re against racism you should hate white people (and, yes, people of any race can be racist, that’s just the example I’m using) even though most white people aren’t racist just like most men aren’t rapists. The fact that you’re promoting hate is just sad and disgusting.
You also say, “Any woman who gets raped by someone who a previous victim didn’t report on should be allowed to sue the first victim in court and ask for prosecution.” Like the victim is to blame! The victim is NOT to blame for the rapist’s actions. You are an evil, evil person for even saying something like that. If you were raped do you really think it would easy to tell everyone the worst, most embarrassing thing that’s every happened to you (if it went to court it’d be on the news), knowing that people probably wouldn’t believe you since people often mistakenly think victims are lying. With the shame and victim-blaming (which your comment is a fantastic example of) that victims have to endure, of course people will not want to come forward with what happened to them. You are a truly scary, wicked person.
As for his comment, yeah, it was a crass joke and he should have known better but his only offense was thinking that everyone had as off-color a sense of humor as he does. If he had said, “If a woman didn’t have money I’d *make* her sleep with me,” then that would be different but what he said is that if a woman offered herself he wouldn’t say no. Hell, if Justin Timberlake offered himself up to me I wouldn’t say no, either – that doesn’t make me a rapist!
Finally, Loverboy was my favorite movie when I was little – funny to see that mentioned!!
Ok, I just re-read what you wrote and I’m sure that to write such filth you had to be joking. I’m assuming this was an example of sarcasm. Please tell me this is sarcasm since I can’t hear your tone to be sure!!
To Please: I never once made any sort of statement to insinuate I believe anyone in one of those organizations should hate men or make excuses for women who were victims but did not report it. I was simply saying it is better to choose your words carefully and pay more attention to the words you choose, instead of making light of any situation. Personally I have been a victim of discrimination based on gender in the work force and for being American when my dad was stationed overseas. Also, I have been a victim of sexual abuse when I was a child. One of my close friends was a victim of date rape and her friends who were present at the party said “you wanted it” even though she had passed out and then later woke up next to the guy, undressed, and he said they “did it.” Just as there are good and bad people of every race, there are good and bad people of different genders. Just because I do not care for off color jokes or remarks and I think the other person (think person or anyone else around me making such “jokes”) should instead pay more attention to the words they say does not at all mean that I hate all men or believe women who do not report their abuse should be hated by others. Pay more attention to the words I used instead of jumping to assumptions you may think you know about me and if you paid attention to the tone that appears to come across in your words, I would hope you realized the snarky, sarcasm you used in no way helps the discussion or debate. If anything, your words hinder the debate because I’m quite sure you are going to just get others riled up and then the discussion is going to go off on a tangent not relevant to the actual discussion at hand. When you make racist, sexist, or any other off color remarks or jokes you are perpetuating those discriminations or prejudices. The point being – be more aware of the words you use and how you use them.