Just another year of screwing up the academy awards
By Garrett Tanner on February 2, 2011 1:00 am / 10 comments
A fictional conversation between two Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences members about to vote for their nominations.
“Well, we should probably screw this up yet again, right?”
“Of course, why would we make this a completely logical competition?”
“I do not know. Alright, so let’s start with Best Actor. We should probably nominate Jesse Eisenberg, right?”
“Seeing as how he did absolutely nothing different than any other role, we definitely should. I mean he played Mark Zuckerberg, that has to mean something.”
“As for Best Supporting Actor we should not even bother nominating Andrew Garfield? There would not be a reason since it is obviously going to Christian Bale.”
“Of course, Garfield only carried ‘The Social Network’ so it would not make any sense to recognize that.”
“Now for Best Effects, I like that we are giving recognition to ‘Inception,’ ‘Iron Man 2′ and ‘Harry Potter’ but we should make sure not to give any nominations to ‘Scott Pilgrim’ which was pulled off very well.”
“Leave ‘Tron: Legacy’ out as well. The effects were amazing but it is probably more important to throw in things like ‘Hereafter.’”
“Best Score is really difficult. There were some fantastic scores out there this year. We need to destroy the chances of a couple of them based on some really idiotic criteria.”
“I know, we can say that if any of your music is written previously you are not eligible. That way we can make sure ‘True Grit’ and ‘Black Swan’ are not even allowed to compete no matter how well done their music was.”
“Now, we are allowing ‘Inception’ to be nominated for a couple things but we better not let it in for Editing or Direction. Granted, it deserves the nominations far more than films like ‘The Social Network,’ but that film truly defined this generation.”
“It didn’t really define a generation at all as much as it just shined a light on a select group of people, but since people so desperately want something to define this generation I suppose we can go with that.”
“Finally, we come to the Best Picture nominations. It sure is a good thing that we have ten nominations these days. Seeing as how in the 82 years this award ceremony has been going there have been three times a movie has won Best Picture when not nominated for Best Director, it is entirely likely that it will happen again.”
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10 Comments
you are a moron. eisenberg didn’t do anything different? of course he’s always playing the nerd but he takes it to another level here. critics like you shouldn’t be called critics. you should look up to bordwell and dargis, they are the real deal.
you realize you just agreed with garrett, then added something that makes no sense right? take it to another level. what does that even mean? little hint about commenting: if your going to disagree with him, don’t slam him personally, make an educated, well thought out remark about why you don’t see it the same way. By the way, most of this was sarcasm…
“obviously you’re not a golfer.”
Yeah, critics like you should be called criticalists!
eisenberg has two approaches to acting: lip tucked in, and lip tucked out. he’s overrated and lacks any real depth.
You are free to disagree with me, that’s the whole point of criticism. However, if you are honestly telling me that the rich man’s Michael Cera “takes it to another level” in this film than you are grossly overstating this performance. There is no chance that he belongs in the same category as the truly emotional performances of Colin Firth and James Franco. If we’re talking about taking it to another level than you have to look at the performance of Jeff Bridges. I unfortunately haven’t seen Biutiful yet so I can’t state for sure but I find it hard to believe that Eisenberg’s performance can hold weight against anything Javier Bardem’s ever done.
Then for him to have stolen a slot from Paul Giamatti who gave a mesmerizing performance in Barney’s Version. Leo DeCaprio nailed both Shutter Island and Inception and yet he wasn’t graced with a nomination. Another actor who always comes with his A game and did show something extra was Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentine. Heck, even Ben Affleck deserves this before Eisenberg. He gave one of the only real great performance of his life (the other being Chasing Amy).
As for my credentials, I apologize that I am not as well written as a women twice my age who has been writing for multiple newspapers. Nor am I as accomplished as a man 4 decades my senior who holds a doctorate, a professorship and has published multiple books on film theory and criticism.
To close I would just like to say I appreciate you writing in. I have been excited about getting a comment on one of these since I started writing for the paper and congrats you are the first. I hope you keep reading (regardless of how much of a moron you believe I am) and please feel free to disagree with me as much as possible. However, next time please give me more to go on than took it up a level. Thanks.
lilac, you’re completely wrong…jesse eisenberg isnt that talented. Sorry. The social network was a weak film as well. Michael Cera could have played the same role and done just as well, because there is nothing unique about their acting style, it’s always the same.
Do you you form you’re own opinions? Or do you just regurgitate what others say on television? Bravo to this critic for recognizing the Oscars for what they are, a completely political ceremony of self congratulation.
I wish this reviewer would “BAM” take things up at notch and think outside the box. C’mon Garrett, give 110% and maybe it can be a win-win for all of us in this community. I feel like by you not pushing the envelope here you completely dropped the ball. Hitting the ground running and bringing your ‘A’ game is what it’s all about. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.
I would like to point out that this is the best comment thread I have ever read…ever.
poo-poo ka-choo. you is bad at word-making.
While I can appreciate the article, I take offense at the failed assertion that Jesse Eisenberg did absolutely nothing different than any other role. I mean if you’re telling me he played the same character in Zombieland and The Social Network you can’t be serious. I have 2 points: 1.) Zombieland took place in a land of Zombies…nothing like the Social Network. and A.) He has shorter hair in The Social Network…so clearly he has the range of an Oscar Caliber Actor!