ADVICE COLUMN: How do I get back into ‘the game?’

• Tweet
• 

Senior Reporter Jordan Spence offers weekly advice in Vibe on sex and relationships.

I am four years single. Dating now feels like an awkward social construct to me, yet that in no way diminishes my sex drive. How do I get back into “the game” when the only thing that seems to come out of it is pain and loss?

- One thing you have to do before getting back into “the game” is check to make sure you are happy with yourself as a single person.

If you have a healthy level of self-confidence and enjoy the majority of your life, start dating. Unless you’re not happy being single, the last thing you need to do is resort to a significant other to fulfil that happiness.

I think our first reflex as young people is to resort to bars as a way to meet people — but when your judgement can be clouded by Jagerbombs and pints, I suggest alternate routes.

If you have a hobby or sport you enjoy, find a group or class to get involved with to meet others who share interests. Go to local concerts, open mic nights and coffee shops. Take walks in local parks. Just make sure you’re approachable and don’t seclude yourself with an iPod and loads of homework.

Sometimes just waiting in a line for a mocha can get you talking to someone. Sometimes, it’s when you stop looking that you unexpectedly find someone.

There’s a girl I like, but I usually only see her at her workplace. Is it appropriate to ask her out while she’s on the job? How should I ask when there are other customers around? How do I differentiate between professionalism and genuine attraction?

-Instead of trying to figure out if she likes you or not just go for it, as long as it is a slower time of day at her workplace.  Ask her if you could talk to her privately quickly and ask her out.

The worst that could happen is she turns you down, which is always a bummer, but then you can move on.  If you wait too long, some other guy can swoop in and ask her out.

Just ask her to coffee or something casual, nothing too intense. That way, if the date is a dud, you won’t be stuck eating dinner for a couple hours.

For advice, e-mail me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account at http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence