ADVICE COLUMN: I’d really like to mix things up

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My boyfriend and I have gotten into a sort of sexual rut, position-wise. He seems to be okay with it, but I’d really like to mix things up a little. How can I bring it up without insulting him?

I would casually bring it up, don’t make this a big issue. That scares a lot of men off. Just one day while you’re together washing dishes say something along the lines of; “I was wondering if the next time we have sex we could try some new positions. You’re great at what you do in bed, but I would like explore some new positions because I like being adventurous.”

If he doesn’t think anything needs to change, take the matters into your own hands. Next time you’re finished with foreplay, take control. Anytime a woman is on top she not only can control the speed, but it’s also sexually satisfying because of the angle.

Reverse cowgirl is a good way to start — it’s when the woman is on top but you face his feet instead of his face. It’s also good to have the man sit-up while you’re on top, so you are closer to one another, making it more intimate.

Is there a tactful way of telling my friend that moving in with her boyfriend of five months might be a little bit of a mistake, or should I just keep my mouth shut?

Nope. If I were you, I wouldn’t bring the issue up with her. If she asks for your opinion, give it to her honestly. Just tell her you think her relationship is moving fast, especially since moving in together changes everything (because it does). But it’s her choice and leave it at that.

Don’t lecture her, because you’re her friend, not her parent. All you can do is tell her you love her and no matter what happens you’ll support her. There is one thing you should give her, and that is to tell her to sign separate leases because if it doesn’t work out, then she’s only responsible for her half of the lease.

There is no possible way to tell which couples are going to make it and who won’t. Maybe things will be fine and they stay together. Maybe they don’t, and she calls you in the middle of the night to help her move out. All you can do is be there for her in either of those situations, because that’s what genuine friends do for each other.

To contact me you can send me your questions in two ways, using whichever you feel most comfortable.

To submit questions anonymously, you can send them to my formspring account, which allows questions to be sent and answered without releasing your name, you can also send them to my email, spenc1jc@cmich.edu.