ADVICE COLUMN: What to do in a one-sided relationship

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“My friend and I have been ‘casually dating’ for about six months. I’m starting to fall for him, but he’s still in the ‘just friends’ stage and doesn’t want the relationship. What do I do?”

It sounds like you’ve already had the commitment talk, and if you haven’t,  you should.  Tell him, “I’m really falling for you and before this goes any further I want to know if we are exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend.” If he still says he just wants to stay friends, then he just wants to stay friends, nothing more. Don’t over-analyze and make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Ladies, if a guy is into you he will call, ask you out AND want you to be his girlfriend. It sounds like this guy is having fun “casually dating” you without being attached. So for your own sake, end it, even the friendship.

Just tell him, “I think we should stop seeing each other. It’s obvious you don’t want anything more in the relationship, so I need to focus on myself.” Delete him from your Facebook and your phone. It may be hard, but it’s one of the best ways to get over someone. Do it for you, be selfish.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?  I’m sure you’re an amazing girl and there is a guy out there for you who can’t wait to call you his girlfriend. Those are the ones worth waiting for. Plus, if you’re busy with this schmuck, the good ones will pass you by. Stop settling for less than you deserve!

“My recent girlfriend and I have been dating for about eight months. The girlfriend I had before that, we dated almost a year and broke up over a year ago. The problem I have is that I still miss my ex-girlfriend, especially when I see her on campus a lot. What should I do?”

It sounds like you didn’t give yourself a lot of time to get over the first relationship before you got into the next. I think that after relationships have been over for some time, people forget the bad and idolize the good parts about it.

If you see your ex on campus a lot be polite, but don’t try and be friends, hang out, talk on the phone or be friends on Facebook. It isn’t fair to your current girlfriend.

Ask yourself why you broke up in the first place. Did you have a lot of problems in the relationship? Remembering the bad parts can snap you back to reality. Then, go over why you’re still with your current girlfriend. Write everything down if you have to.

If you have discovered you have stronger feelings for your ex than your current girlfriend, break up with her. She doesn’t deserve to be with someone that doesn’t think of her as his number one.

Then take that time to go over what you want. If you’ve stayed single for a while and your ultimate decision is to get try and get back together with the ex, go for it, just understand she may not want to be with you.

To submit questions anonymously, you can send them to http://www.formspring.me/JordanCSpence. You can also send them to my email, spenc1jc@cmich.edu.