SEX ADVICE COLUMN: More experienced than my boyfriend

• Tweet
• 

“My boyfriend and I have been together more than a year and, sexually, we are two very different people. He was very inexperienced coming into the relationship, while I had an idea of what I liked. After this long, my boyfriend says there is no point in trying to change his ways, even if it means he doesn’t get sex very often. I love my boyfriend very much and want to be able to have sex, but I’m not really sure what to do?”

The great part is that you are talking to one another about your sex life, but you both need to listen to each other and compromise a little. Since you say you are the more experienced one, your boyfriend may just be feeling insecure, even though he shouldn’t.

As long as you want to try new things that are not going to make him uncomfortable, he should be a little more open-minded. He needs to understand that once you are in a committed relationship and you feel secure with one another, trying new things sexually can be a lot of fun.

I am not saying you should be having sex three times a day (although that could be fun too), or try crazy weird things, but something as simple as switching up positions, introducing toys or role-playing are all normal ways to experiment sexually.

You also need to understand that you cannot make your partner do anything he does not want to. If you’ve asked him to try experimenting and he is adamant about keeping things the way they are, do not push him.

Hopefully he will realize having a healthy, passionate sex life is an integral part of a relationship, and if he decides to try something different, then maybe he will discover more about himself.

“Why do some guys freak out so much about making a relationship ‘official’ and giving it a label?”

Because they’re young and dumb. Right now we are in college and guys are having the time of their lives, especially when it comes to women. Guys in college like having their options open, because there are so many options. Once they put a label on a relationship with a girl, all those other opportunities go out the window.

If a guy is stupid enough to let that girl go, then that is his problem. If you talk to him about where your relationship is going and he does not want to commit, then I would end it. I always ask people, “Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?”

A truly healthy relationship has passion, commitment and communication, and if one of those components is missing, the relationship is not very strong. Women need to start choosing single life over settling for a relationship with a man who is not respectful, cannot be trusted or does not want the same things they do.

For advice, e-mail me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account at http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence.