ADVICE COLUMN: Having feelings for a friend who has a new boyfriend

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“For the longest time I have had feelings for and I really like my best girl friend, but I have never told her how I’ve felt. She now has a boyfriend and we still talk almost every day. We are very close and our families are very close and always say we should go out. I just don’t know if I should tell her how I feel or what to do.”

I would keep your feelings to yourself, for now. Yes, you two are close and your families are close, but in no way does any of that affect her new relationship. Don’t think of it as a competition because you’ve already lost; she’s in a relationship with another person who isn’t you.

Should you have told her how you felt when she was single, yes, but you can’t play the, “What if?” game anymore. She made her choice by being in a relationship with her new boyfriend and you’re going have to accept that.

You could tell her how you feel, hoping she leaves him for you, but most women aren’t going to leave their relationship for another man and the ones who do are not the best ones to date.

I’m a big believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason, so the fact she’s in a relationship with someone new means you should start to move on yourself. If you really care for her, let her be happy.

What you do need to do is think of the traits you like about her as a person and look for those in another woman. Is she caring, supportive and makes you laugh? Then find a girl with those qualities.

Still be her friend — talk to her and hang out. Just don’t try and sabotage her relationship or be the guy waiting around for her. Because she’s in a relationship with someone else, the universe is telling you it’s not your time.

Take this as a lesson to never wait to tell someone what they mean to you. If you meet another girl that you like, tell her, ask her out, don’t let her go.

Are you confused about your relationship or in a sexual rut? I’m back for another semester to help. I have enjoyed writing this column, but in order to help you, I need questions. As some of you have previously read, I’ve answered some very interesting questions and I know you’ve got more for me, but I need you to send them.

For advice, email me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account at http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence.