ADVICE COLUMN: What to do when you’re lonely

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“It has been several months now since I’ve been in a relationship or have even been remotely interested in anyone. But it’s a new year, and I feel like I want to start finding something meaningful in my life.  I have a great job right now and am living in Ann Arbor.  The problem is that I’m lonely. I love what I’ve seen of this town, and the people seem like my kind of crowd. My problem is I don’t know how to make friends, let alone meet someone special now that I’m out of college.”

If you say you’re quite the romantic, I would steer clear of trying to find someone. I notice when people purposfully search to find someone, it doesn’t often work. Usually when people stop trying, they meet the right person.

If you aren’t interested in meeting people at the bar, which is understandable, I would try places you do enjoy.

Since you’re new to the town area do some research. Explore the city and find which restaurants, coffee shops and stores you enjoy.  The great thing about Ann Arbor is it’s a great area with a lot to do and see.

Even though you said you don’t like bars, some of them would be a great place to see live music, and wherever there are bands, there are people. Try new places and things that take you out of your comfort zone. You will not only meet someone, but you will make new friends as well.

The best thing you can do as a single person is stop focusing on not having someone in your life and focus on what makes you happy. It sounds like you’re on the right track by getting a good job and moving to a city that fits your personality.

Discover activities and friends you love and make finding a relationship secondary. By doing this, your confidence will start building up. Happy, confident people are always the most attractive.

One of the best ways to meet people is simply by getting out of the house. If your hobbies include writing and painting, do that at a coffee shop or park (when it’s warm out). I notice people will talk to complete strangers at these places because it’s a relaxed, open environment.

If someone is talking about a writer or band you enjoy say, “Sorry to interupt, but I couldn’t help but overhearing …” or find a way to join in the conversation. I’ve done this before and met some really cool people that way.

Whatever you do, don’t settle just to fill a void. People make this mistake way too often and it never makes people happy. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship.

For advice e-mail me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account at http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence.