ADVICE COLUMN: Actual relationship tips

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Since I started writing this column, I’ve noticed a lot of crappy advice I read in magazines or on the Internet. In particular, I noticed a rather bad list of “12 Tips to a Happier Relationship,” so in response, I’ve written my own.

1. Respect —  If you think less of your partner because of their profession, family, intelligence or friends, it will always be reflected in how you treat them. Make sure to respect yourself as a person. If you are constantly beating yourself up, then that will only teach your partner to treat you that way as well.

2. Honesty — Tell each other what you want out of the relationship. Don’t lie to someone and say you want a relationship when you aren’t into that person. If you know a relationship has run it’s course, end it. If you met someone you like, tell them; stop the stupid game-playing and be honest.

3. Trust — Always start out a relationship with having complete trust in your partner and keep that trust, until there is a legitimate reason not to. If you do see signs of mistrust, listen to your gut. When you don’t listen to your instincts is when a person can run into trouble.

4. Chemistry — If it isn’t there, don’t force it. And I don’t just mean sexual chemistry, especailly in the beginning. If you don’t get butterflies when they call, or your face doesn’t light up when they enter the room, re-think it.

5. Appreciation — Manners aren’t just to be used at restaurants. Say “please” and “thank you” and mean it. If they do something thoughtful and sweet, let them know how much it means to you, and return the gesture.

6. Autonomy — Don’t just agree with the person about their political views, music or TV show tastes just to fit in. Go out and have fun with your friends without your significant other, and when you do go out, don’t constantly text them. Enjoy your hobbies and life outside of the relationship — it’s best to be a well-rounded person.

7. Affection — Go ahead, smack his butt, kiss while you’re cooking together, rub her shoulders while watching TV — it just makes life more fun and enjoyable.

8.  Shared goals —  If you want a family and you’re with someone who idolizes George Clooney, know that you shouldn’t try and change them. Find someone who wants the same things out of life as you do.

9. Support —  Don’t just go with any crazy plan your partner may have, but if they are applying for a promotion at work, cheer them on. Be the safe place for them to land if they have had a hard day.

10. Fight fairly —  For those of us with short tempers, this can be hard to do. Just remember you can’t take things back after you’ve said them. This is when the “don’t go to bed angry rule” shouldn’t apply. Sometimes it’s best to separate yourself from a fight, sleep on it and start out a new day to help you get over that initial angry feeling.

For advice, email me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account at http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence.