COLUMN: Diaries of an unhealthy eater

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At Subway — also known as one of the healthiest fast-food restaurants — I order a BLT with extra mayonnaise on Italian bread.

Would I like to make that a meal?  Yes, yes I would. I’ll add a 16-ounce Coke and two chocolate chip cookies, please. That would have to be the most unhealthy combination someone could possibly order.

My 110-pound petite frame that stands just over five-feet tall is sort of an optical illusion. You would think I snack on lettuce wraps and non-fat yogurt. The truth is, I cringe at anything remotely healthy.

Anything sugar-free or reduced-fat is disgusting to me. Reduced fat Cheez-Its — I think not. I would rather save the calories somewhere else, like only eating half a bag of chips, instead of the whole bag.

It’s not very socially acceptable when I go to IHOP and my friends order spinach omelettes, rye bread and black coffee. I order the pancake platter, which includes two butter-milk pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns, buttered white toast, bacon and a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.

And since when is it not acceptable to eat a bagel in class?

I’m not bragging about my appetite of a teenage boy and my ability to digest anything without any negative consequences — I just feel blessed. Although I look healthy and fit on the outside, there is no way my insides are consistent. I’m sure they hate me. Especially my arteries, which I’m confident are clogged because of my high butter intake.

When people ask me what my secret is, I tell them to eat often and eat a lot. It works for me. Not only do I eat a lot, but I eat the most interesting combinations. For instance, my bed-time snack may consist of pickles, a bowl of Frosted Flakes, Chips Ahoy!, Papa John’s garlic parmesan bread-sticks and some chocolate milk.

Although I was very active in high school, running more than 60 miles a week, those days are long gone. I do make an effort to hit the gym once or twice a week, but, of course, I have to reward myself with a 10-piece chicken nugget meal and a medium french fry after the sweat and tears.

Someday when my unhealthy diet catches up to me, I will not like the toll it will surely take on my body. People say you are what you eat. I don’t know what I am.

Every time I go to the doctor, I get really nervous when she asks me if I eat healthy and exercise regularly. I reply with, “Mmhm, sometimes.” To my surprise, she always says everything looks OK.

Before I develop diabetes, high blood pressure or clogged arteries, I should probably re-think my poor eating habits. I am extremely jealous of my health-savvy friends that eat nothing with fat content, but then again, you only live once, so why not enjoy it with a whole box of Oreos in a span of 24-hours?