COLUMN: Is the Zombie Apocalypse coming?

I’ve never been one to believe in the zombie apocalypse. You know, when cannibalistic savages of the rotted dead eat society to pieces? Oh yeah, and spread the zombie plague. I don’t think so.

Neither have I ever participated in the preparation for zombie survival: gathering items such as water, nonperishable food, medications, clothing, tools, important documents and First Aid supplies.

However, my thoughts on this subject have changed.

If you have watched the news lately, you know why. There was an extremely disturbing attack in Miami in which a drug-induced cannibal ate another man’s face.

Take a deep breath and let that sink in.

The spread of the story has no doubt brought the event of a zombie apocalypse to question.

When an officer asked the cannibalistic man to step away from the victim, he turned, growled and continued eating. Leaving no other option, the officer shot the attacker, but he kept chewing at the victim’s face.

OK, so the attacker was supposedly under the influence of a synthetic drug, but what if it is just a warning – a sign that those who have been preparing are not wasting precious time on an impossible scheme of the imagination?

After several more shots, the cannibal was dead and the victim in critical condition. Critical? His face was eaten by another human. I don’t think “critical” comes even close to describing his traumatic condition.

What does this event have to say about our culture? Either we have a very serious drug problem on our hands, or the zombie nerds have had it right all along.

Personally, I think both scenarios are terrifying, but there is only one that I can prepare for, right now.

The zombie apocalypse.

My list of supplies, however, is going to be a little different than the recommended necessities.

First of all, I will include a light saber. Next will come the Pinchers of Peril, Super Soaker CPS 2000, Zombie Destroyer slingshot and a Virtue Bugout Solar Backpack. The collection will also include garlic, just in case Jason shows up too.

There may not be much time, ladies and gentlemen. Let the preparation begin.