Relationship advice: Making long distance work
Saying goodbye to summer sunshine and days of wearing only bathing suits and jean shorts is hard to do. Add saying goodbye to a summer love to that list and going back to school seems even more dreadful.
But going away to different colleges doesn’t have to be a negative thing. If you stay positive and work at it, a long-distance relationship, whether it’s the next town over or thousands of miles away, isn’t as bad as it seems.
When you first get to campus, don’t spend your days moping and crying about how much you miss him or her. Girls, you know what I’m talking about. This is not a good time for pajamas, chocolate, a glass or two of a nice chardonnay and some sappy romantic comedy.It may be tempting, but that’s just asking to be depressed. Take this time to spruce up the new living quarters, make some new friends and get out of the house.
Which leads to the next thing – It’s OK to have fun without him or her. Go out for a drink, watch the football game with the boys or go shopping – whatever you’re doing, just keep busy. And this doesn’t entail constant texts saying how much you miss each other with a fill-in of each and every detail of your every move. Set the phone down and relax.
With any relationship, trust is a major component to success. If he or she is texting you every minute on the hour asking what you’re doing, there’s a problem. Or if that happens to be you doing the pestering, knock it off. Have some faith in each other. If he or she cheats on you, it wasn’t worth it in the first place and you have a campus full of fine men and women to fill that hole.
And now comes the time when you are going to miss each other. That’s just inevitable. It’s important to set aside Skype dates or times where you can talk to each other on a daily basis. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you need to live completely different lives. Let that person know you’re thinking about him or her. Leave sticky notes with inside jokes or cute sayings in random places for him or her to find throughout the week.
Most importantly, make the time you spend together worthwhile. Go for a walk in the park, have a picnic … all that cliché stuff. Spending your special “alone time” is more important than ever, since it may not come around as often as you hope for.
They said distance makes the heart grow fonder and it’s true. Time away from each other will make you appreciate that person so much more. And also, you won’t run out of cute outfits to wear if you’re seeing that person less often. There are perks.
Looking for advice specific to your relationship situation? I would love to help! To contact me you can send me your questions in two ways, using whichever you feel most comfortable. E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org or submit a question anonymously to my Formspring account, http://www.formspring.me/cmlifelove. Names and emails will not be shared or printed in the paper. The column will appear in the paper’s VIBE section, which prints every Wednesday.
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