COLUMN: The joys of womanhood
Being a woman sucks.
Hanging out with the male species is much more relaxing and fun – and it’s acceptable to talk about poop and other interesting bodily functions men seem fascinated with. Sitting around drinking Dos Equis and watching the game is more fun than throwing glitter everywhere and talking about boys and clothes.
One of the main things that get “in the way,” literally, of being a woman is those two-pounds (give or take depending on if you are a part of the itty-bitty titty committee) of fat hanging from the body. At 8 years old, we all stuff our training bra and wish we inherit grandma’s DD. Then, once we turn 18, we are sick of men staring at them and wish they would just disappear.
Being a woman is also expensive. Along with paying $65 for a Victoria’s Secret bra to make the “girls” look good, we have to constantly purchase makeup, clothes and shoes – and $7 for a box of tampons, seriously? Don’t even get me started about our monthly gift of Mother Nature, also known as “leave me alone.”
Each store at the mall is calling our name. It’s not our fault we are all broke. Last year’s jeans won’t cut it, but your boyfriend probably is still wearing the same Levi’s from high school. And those five-inch heels we are supposed to wear to make our legs look longer and more sophisticated, are like walking on stilts and just asking for blisters. I would love to kick-it in Jordans for the night.
Put more than two women in a room and you’re guaranteed to get chocolate, wine and tears. Women are emotional, crazy creatures. We hold grudges, steal each other’s boyfriends and no one can ever guess what we’re thinking. “No, I’m fine,” really means, “Do something.” Women don’t even understand other women.
Men are much more easygoing than women. Offend a man, he’ll get over it. Offend a woman, all her friends will hate you.
Roles reversed, being a guy isn’t all that easy. They are the ones that have to deal with women. Each holiday, men have to take out a mortgage. Plus, men have to deal with the rejection of women on a daily basis.
Obviously there are pros and cons to both genders and not all women fit the stereotype. The second-grade phrase still holds some truth – girls rule and boys drool.
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