ADVICE: How to ask someone out
Asking someone out is akin to playing a musical instrument: both are arts, everyone has a different style and not very many people ever perfect it.
The similarities between the two are surprising.
A musical performance will play out one way in your head; on stage it will never go exactly as planned.
When you plan to ask for a date, you will play out what you believe to be every possible scenario in your head so you can better prepare for it. What happens is always unexpected.
Some people in both fields are naturals. Others think they are naturals; these people tend to be obnoxiously overconfident and often end up looking like fools.
Do not be one of those people.
Assess yourself realistically.
In music and in dating, there are questions you need to ask yourself before going ahead.
Can you pull it off?
If, every time you try to talk to her, she rolls her eyes and turns her back – she’s probably not into you. Move on. If you aren’t sure – and this is where music breaks with dating – it can’t hurt to ask, provided you do it the right way.
As in music, there are two diametrically different aspects: technique and style. You must consider these things before you ever perform as a musician; you should have these things in mind before you ask somebody on a date.
What you ask is just as important as how you ask it. Technique means starting by suggesting something small, casual and noncommittal, like coffee. But maybe you don’t like coffee. That’s not your style. No problem. Try an afternoon walk in the park, or a short jog.
The point: you do not, under any circumstances, want to suggest an outing that will potentially put the person in an uncomfortable situation, especially for the first date. The place, ideally, should be somewhere public and conducive to conversation. Do not take them to meet your parents. Do not invite them to a wedding your whole family or group of friends will be attending. It will scare them off.
Once you’ve thought these things over and decide you want to make the move: Breathe. You may have put quite a bit of thought into this, but it’s probably best not to show it. Be casual. Be nice.
Ideally, you will have talked to this person before more than once (Or not. In which case – good luck.) and maybe you catch them after class, or just coming out of the cafeteria. Commit yourself to doing it right there. Do it so quickly you surprise even yourself. The moment before she is about to turn her back to walk away, get her attention. Put on a big, goofy smile and say with confidence, “Hey, how would you feel about grabbing a cup of coffee sometime? I know a great place.”
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