Columns

COLUMN: Hot-N-Expensive

Little Ceasars Hot-N-Ready pizza is $5. That’s $5 everywhere. Everywhere except Mount Pleasant.

Our hometown franchise charges us poor, hungry college kids $5.99 for a Hot-N-Ready pizza. For those who did as poorly in MTH 110 as I did, that’s a penny away from $6. Are you outraged yet? I am.

And if these corporate money-lovers weren’t shameful enough, just turn to page five of the previous edition of Central Michigan Life. There it is glaring at you, in an advertisement, no less. “Hot-N-Ready Large Pizza, $5.99.”

You have got to give a hand to our local pizza establishment; it takes quite some courage to advertise that you’re selling more expensive pizza than your peers. The last time I looked at the advertisement was when I was half-asleep, and instead of “Hot-N-Ready Large Pizza, $5.99,” I just read “Spend an extra dollar for our pizza here!”

It really didn’t change the ad that much.

Perhaps outrage is not the appropriate expression. I’m sure we’re paying that extra dollar for some reason. Perhaps the pizza uses better, fresher ingredients? Perhaps the pizza is baked instead of microwaved? Maybe they apply extra pepperoni? Maybe the crust is made from imported Italian bread?

Maybe this specific branch has been endorsed by retired Gen. Colin Powell, because we as a community enjoy spending money on him.

Personally, I’m hoping that perhaps Mount Pleasant’s Little Caesars has taken affection for Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, and maybe when I’m eating my $6 Hot-N-Ready pizza, I’ll find a golden ticket at the bottom of the box.

Then, I’ll have the golden opportunity to visit the Little Caesars Pizza Factory and ride a barrel down a giant waterfall of tomato sauce while it rains bacon bits.

Is it a dream of mine to ride down a waterfall of tomato sauce? No, tomato sauce stains, but at least I’ll be spending an extra dollar on something.

As the responsible college student that I am, who has all of his priorities in the right place, I feel it would be egregiously immoral for any of us to ignore the plight of Mount Pleasant by our local Little Caesars.

There are a lot of things I am apathetic about: my future career, my current classes, climate change, American politics, the Board of Trustees and trans fats.

But, I’ll be complaining about spending an extra dollar on pizza until I reach my grave.

Or until I look at every other pizza menu in town. It’s still cheaper than every other pizza in town.

6 Comments

  1. they’re 5.99 everywhere…

  2. Chloe Gleichman says:

    This article was cute and funny until the last few sentences when the author claims apathy to issues such as climate change, politics, and his future in general. It’s really a shame that what grasps student attention and outrage is the price of a pizza, in light of the global issues of injustice perpetuating all systems of power these days.

  3. Let me paraphrase your sixth paragraph for you:

    Perhaps outrage is not the appropriate expression. I’m sure we’re paying that extra dollar for some reason. Perhaps it’s because they know we’ll pay? Perhaps it’s because we can’t seem to understand market forces and just go buy a different pizza? Maybe they don’t care because it’s never caused an impact in their bottom line as long as their customers’ reaction to their prices is to go write a column for a university paper and then continue to pay the extra dollar? Maybe if I’m so concerned about this, I could just call the store and ask the manager what causes this phenomenon rather than blindly speculate?

  4. Mariah Urueta says:

    I understand this is the editorial section, but this article is really what over twelve inches of CM-Life was allocated towards? And by a CM-Life reporter at that. Articles such as these directly contributes to our corporate driven society. A prime example of the typical American complaining about the cost of….pizza. Don’t get me wrong, food is important, but I feel that students should be supplied with editorials of collegiate standards. Maybe like, “The U.S. is one of the few countries that does not have a labeling system for genetically modified foods- Why is that?” Perhaps I personally should be writing more editorials, but this is not the first time I have been appalled with an editorial or article. Another example of a multiple paged article was something along the lines of “What Hipster Means”. Rant ended, I’m going to start writing editorials with substance.

  5. Actually, at a vast majority of locations the pizzas are $5.55.

  6. Mr. I has gotta fund those outrageous contracts he’s dishing out to free agents (Prince and Tori Hunter) and the Tigers’ other soon to be expiring contracts (Cabrerra, Verlander, and Jackson. All three will require pay raises. Cabby is already a top paid player, JV will be getting $150 mil at least, and Jackson will be commanding somewhere between 10-15 mil) somehow.
    Hey, if it get’s me a World Series, charge me $7.

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