Throughout my years of traveling the globe, I’ve come across an array of flora and fauna living in near-perfect symbiosis on countless occasions.
But the beasts I’ve seen wandering around the untamed wilds of Central Michigan University are like no other.
These wild creatures, who look so similar to me yet behave so differently, are everywhere on campus. They are so prevalent in the area that individually naming these creatures is challenging, so many explorers have simply been calling these beasts “the student body” when studying them in their natural environment.
On the first day of my expedition through this strange land, I observed small clusters of students standing and sitting in the hallways of every building, silently ignoring one another.
One student attempted to start a conversation, but was quickly shut down and detested for breaking the norm by trying to openly communicate with its species. Shamefully, it bowed its head, defeated.
While observing packs of students at the local watering hole in the middle of campus, I took note of the diversity and various changes of student’s fur over the seasons.
The vast majority of the male population grew a thick outer hoodie over the typical swag T-shirt and replaced ear buds with thicker and warmer headphones.
The female of the species, having already shed summer booty shorts, graze through campus in winter yoga pants while sipping overpriced, yet delectable highly caffeinated beverages.
While this change in appearance is typically seen in the fall, there are some students who never go through this metamorphosis. They simply continue with whatever outer layer they have from the previous season, some being fortunate enough to be in yoga pants already.
The courting or mating ritual of this species is quite peculiar. The male will observe the female for hours, sometimes days, salivating over the female’s hide before approaching to initiate a dialog.
The majority of females in the species over the years have become attune to the intentions of their male counterparts and are quick to reject disingenuous males, giving only the best suited, or at least the craftiest males a chance at coupling.
As I continue to observe these majestic beasts of Mount Pleasant, I can’t help but wonder what will happen with them when summer comes. I hypothesize that many go into hibernation in the caves of their elders, but I can’t be certain.
There might be a few who move on to graze elsewhere until CMU is ripe once again in the fall, but I have yet to observe such a phenomenon personally.
Until I’ve dissected every facet of this amazing species, I shall continue my observations and research in the wilds of CMU, always watchful and full of awe.