After a two-week hiatus, I got back into the food eating mood by attempting Robaire’s Bakery challenge: A 23-inch long doughnut, covered in chocolate and filled with custard.
I tried to summon my inner Homer Simpson.
Unfortunately, the 12-pound doughnut gave me what I can only call a hyper nap. This odd occurrence comes when a person consumes enough sugar to make Betty White do a back flip, and enough bread to fill a gorge.
It’s important to know for any would-be challengers that you have your choice between custard and creme. All the employees asked me why I chose the heavier substance, and all I could say was go big or go home.
While it was tasty, it was also filling, forcing me stop eating after only consuming one-fourth of the pastry.
Finding the correct way to eat it was too much to handle. Picking it up was out of the question, and cutting it became a task of its own. In fact, at one point, the head of the plastic fork I was using snapped off, leaving the three-pronged head lost in a sea of custard.
It was so thick and sugary that on the walk back from the bakery I couldn’t stop shaking. But, it’s six-inch waistline was what surprised me the most.
When I first heard of the challenge, I didn’t think much of it because I can normally eat an entire bag of doughnuts. But after catching a first glimpse of the behemoth made out of dough, I knew I never stood a chance. This would be a challenge meant for two, maybe three people.
I’m just thankful I ate enough to reach the lettering. It was hard enough eating the doughnut without several spectators poking their heads in the store to take a look.
It was by far one of the messier challenges I have attempted. My hands had more chocolate on them than Taylor Swift’s on Valentine’s Day.
All in all, the sugar proved to be too much. Food won.