This is in response to last week’s question about the guy who was
trying to lose weight, but his girlfriend was getting in the way.

My roommate has gradually been gaining weight since freshman year.
It’s like he gained the freshman 15 and hasn’t stopped. I’m really
getting worried about him — he doesn’t do much except go to work, class
and sit around.

I don’t want to come right out and tell him he’s fat, but I don’t
want this to get any worse.

—Concerned Roommate

Dear Concerned,

As long as you’re truly concerned about him (and not doing this for
any selfish motive, such as you don’t want him to make you look bad), I
think it would be OK to try to be proactive.

Is he sensitive about his weight? Does he seem down on himself? Be
very careful about what you say and how you say it, because you don’t
want to hurt his feelings.

If you don’t feel comfortable having a discussion with him, try
getting him involved. Maybe mention to him that you’re trying to lose
that beer gut you’ve accumulated over the last few semesters and ask
him if he’d be your workout partner. If he feels like he’s helping you,
he may be more willing to do it.

Also, instead of carpooling with him to class, suggest walking
together. When you guys would usually play video games, suggest going
outside and tossing the football. Try cutting down your daily fast food
trips to maybe once or twice a week — go to the grocery store together
instead.

If you help him with these little changes, he may be less
intimidated at the thought of losing weight. Most importantly — if you
notice that he’s losing weight, let him know he’s looking good. A
little encouragement goes a long way.

—Christine

Dear Christine,

I think it is so gross when people come to class coughing and
sneezing all over the place. The other day I was in class, and a girl
was coughing so loud that I could hardly hear the professor’s lecture.
Is there any way to ask these sick people to leave?

—Trying to stay healthy

Dear Healthy,

Despite the fact that I feel your pain, I don’t know if there’s much
you can do about it. Some professors have such strict attendance
policies that people can’t afford to miss a class.

If you’re in a class without an attendance policy, you could always
offer to take notes for that person and e-mail them a copy. I’m sure
that the sick student would be eternally grateful — I’m almost positive
he or she would rather be in bed. Consider it your good deed of the day.

Other than offering to help, there’s not much you can do except
protect yourself. Be sure that you’re washing your hands, getting
enough sleep, some moderate exercise and taking a vitamin. Keep your
immune system strong, and you’ll be less likely to get sick.

—Christine

Christine Walsh can be reached at advice@cm-life.com.

If our great nation is famous for anything, it’s for housing
aggressive, ignorant, self-righteous, trigger-happy people who elect
leaders with appropriately similar features.

We’re also fat.

I may not be that fat, but I treat my body like garbage nonetheless.
My muscles get sore just from eating.

But it’s so easy to be lazy and out of shape — to think, it used to
be a sign of wealth.

I’m convinced that if I had a time machine, I’d get major street
credit in the olden days for being a chubby, pasty guy with soft hands.
That’s my dream and no one can take that from me.

As I mentioned two paragraphs ago, I’m not dangerously out of shape.
I’m a “fat skinny guy,” meaning that I’m sickly and weak, but without
the advantage of portly joviality (fat equals happy) or hipster charm
(hipster chicks dig the lanky dudes).

Regardless, eating and storing processed carbohydrates within me is
taking its toll on my flabby shell. I started working out this week.

Pretty soon, I’ll be a whole new man with washboard abs (literally,
I hope), rippling biceps and active listening skills.

You can probably tell just by looking at me, but I have never
enjoyed working out. I’ve tried to get into shape in the past, but to
no avail.

I used to think working out was constructive masochism — the way
that I did it, it was, except I didn’t like it and it wasn’t
constructive.

So I guess I was just hurting myself, right?

My attitude is shifting.

My two most recent ex-girlfriends (it was mutual) were both all
about physical well-being. I stayed out of shape just to spite them,
because I believe fighting is an indication of a strong relationship. I
now see the error of my ways (but neither of them will take me back).

Maybe it’s my philosophy of mind that lets me ignore my body’s plea
for health. The fact that I believe the mind exists and the world of
forms is an illusion gives me a nice peace of mind.

As good of a cop-out as metaphysics and ontology are, I’m sick of
getting winded by checking my e-mail.

Maybe I’ve seen too many Cronenberg films, but I think the concept
of working out is certification of the inadequacy of the human body’s
ability to cope with the ever-rampant onslaught of modern technology.

That being said, I still need to do it for the ladies (they deserve
it) and, most importantly, for myself. But mostly for the ladies.

I’m giving you, being the lovely person you are, an assignment — if
you see me on campus, throw me a negative reinforcement. Negative
reinforcement, studies have shown, is much more interesting than its
counterpart.

Some names you can call me include “fatty,” “fatty bo-batty,”
“thunder thighs,” “hula hips” and “senator.”

Thank you in advance.

Paul Isakson can be reached at pisakson@cm-life.com.

It’s going to be one crazy weekend.

In fact, it’s going to be so crazy, side entrances to all dorms will
be closed off between Thursday and Sunday. Police officers are sure to
scatter the stadium Friday and the entire town all weekend in
preparation of excess partying.

But believe it or not, some students won’t be taking part in these
festivities. Some would rather not get involved in what could be the
biggest CMU football game in decades.

That’s where I come in.

I’ve decided to offer two good entertainment suggestions as Friday
night alternatives for those of you who are just too good for the game
— or vice versa.

The first and most conventional option for most students is to go to
the theater — but in this case, I’m talking about Moore Hall’s Bush
Theatre.

“Urinetown: The Musical” will be performed at 8 p.m. tonight through
Saturday, and at 2 p.m. Sunday.

With a name like “Urinetown,” it’s got to be interesting.

And it should be. It might be mere coincidence the play is running
on the same weekend as the rivalry game, but word has it is this play
is going to be the best we’ve seen all year.

It isn’t going to be your typical musical or classical piece — in
fact, the play was written in 2001 and applies a modern feel, which
appeals to more college students.

I think most students owe it to themselves to check out “Urinetown”
anyway. For having to work on and perform this play during one of the
biggest weekends at CMU, the student actors and technical crew deserve
the audience and the attention, even if few see the play Friday.

Another popular option is to see “Borat: Cultural Learnings of
America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan,” which opens
Friday at Celebration! Cinema.

Although some perceive the film to be exceptionally insensitive,
“Borat” has been raved by even the best film critics as the funniest
movie of the year. Sacha Baron Cohen’s character is the next Napoleon
Dynamite, except funnier and more lovable.

Both suggestions are just from the top of my head. I’m sure plenty
of other events will be happening this weekend for people to get
excited about.

But the point is there’s no reason for anybody to be sitting around
and doing nothing this weekend. Forget homework — fans and tailgaters
have their game, art and music theatre enthusiasts have their play and
Americans in general have their Borat.

People like me will find room for all three this weekend.

If anything, your last resort should be watching the football game
on Comcast Local from your dorm or apartment.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that — just know when the team
needs a boost from its fans, you won’t be there to provide it when you
easily could have been.

Brian Manzullo can be reached at bmanzullo@cm-life.com.

I recently started trying to lose some weight, and my girlfriend is
making it difficult for me. She loves to bake, and I don’t know if she
realizes it, but the constant source of freshly baked cookies is really
killing my diet. Is there a nice way to let her know?

—(Hopefully) a Loser Boyfriend

Dear Boyfriend,

Have you explicitly told her of your plans of losing weight? Maybe
she hasn’t really noticed the effort you’ve been putting forth to drop
a few pounds. I would tell her how much you love all of the things she
bakes for you, but you’re really trying to make a few healthy lifestyle
changes.

To spend some extra special time together, you guys could try to
alter some of your favorite recipes to make healthier versions. It
would be fun to experiment, and she  still could be doing what she
loves.

Now, if she does know you’re trying to lose some weight and she’s
still making you all of these treats, it may be time for a serious
talk. Does she realize that she’s hindering your attempts at being
healthy? She may be jealous you’re taking a big step in the right
direction and may be worried that you’ll leave her in the dust. Make
this something you guys can do together — it’ll be easier for both of
you.

—Christine

Dear Christine,

My roommate completely lacks modesty. I feel like she comes home
every day from work or class and has to tell me all about it. I
understand she’s proud of herself and her accomplishments, but I don’t
really need to know every little compliment she’s received in the past
two weeks. I don’t know how much more of her overwhelming
self-confidence I can take.

—Frustrated Friend

Dear Frustrated,

I’m thinking that your roommate’s behavior may be from a lack of
self-confidence, not necessarily an abundance of it. She may feel
threatened by you or your other roommates. By bragging, it’s like she’s
contributing to the greatness of the apartment.

I’m not quite sure if there’s a nice way you can tell her that she’s
being obnoxious — it may do more harm than good. She also may be
craving a little more attention than she’s getting right now. This
sounds a little mean, but when she starts bragging, try not to give her
very much attention. At a time when she’s not boasting, schedule some
time for just the two of you — having your undivided attention may do
her some good.

There’s also a good chance she may have grown up in a house where
she was continually praised for bragging — it’s just habit for her now.
In that case, good luck changing what she’s been used to for 18 years.

—Christine

Christine Walsh can be reached at advice@cm-life.com.

This new generation of gaming comes with the usual upgrades — games
look and feel more realistic as they continue to become more complex
and diverse.

The key term is upgrade.

Microsoft followed up its Xbox with Xbox 360. On Nov. 17, after six
years of PlayStation 2, Sony will move on to PlayStation 3.

I’m a gamer like many college students. I’ve played Xbox 360
numerous times — it’s a great system. And PS3 should be a joy to play
as well.

But there’s only one company making leaps toward innovation — and
it’s neither Microsoft nor Sony.

That company is Nintendo, the same company whose GameCube has
embraced third place in the console wars like a soulmate for five years.

The design was too cutesy. Games shared the shelves with titles like
“Animal Crossing” or “Pokemon.”

The head-turning will continue later this month when Nintendo
releases its new system, dubbed the “Wii.”

Wait a minute, what was that? The Wii?

The title alone could make gamers cringe.

But believe it or not, if I had to put money down on a system this
holiday season, the Wii would earn it.

Don’t get me wrong — I love my PS2, and I’m sure that PS3 is only
going to improve on it.

But five to six hundred dollars for an upgraded PS2 with a limited
launch lineup of games? Thanks, but no thanks.

With the Wii, you get a whole new playing experience with the
“nunchuk” controller — a remote control with an attachable analog
stick.

Critics scoffed at it. They hated it like most gamers do now. But
when they played demos with it, they realized its true potential.

Imagine playing a tennis game and actually making a swing at the
ball, as if you were holding the racket. Imagine pointing and shooting
at an enemy as if you were actually a member of a SWAT team.

The versatility of the Wii is greater than anything we’ve seen on a
home console. It will make video games come to life.

And the system is just $250 — a price cheaper than most iPods.

Compare that to the PS3, whose preorders are selling at higher
prices than used cars on eBay.

The only glaring problem for Nintendo might be its limited amount of
games even after launch, something that’s been a tradition for its
systems since Nintendo 64. Older gamers will point out that Nintendo
only attracts younger audiences.

Problem is, Nintendo follows the philosophy of “quality, not
quantity” — the way games should be. “Animal Crossing,” as cutesy as it
looks, is one of the top-rated GameCube games.

Gamers can continue to mock that tradition, as well as the name and
the controller of the Wii.

But I guarantee Nintendo will continue to surprise when gamers hit
the power switch on its system.

Brian Manzullo can be reached at bmanzullo@cm-life.com.

By Lindsay Henry

Senior Reporter

When I was younger, I took pride in my Halloween costumes.

Over the years, I dressed proudly in a variety of looks. Some of the
highlights include Princess Barbie, a devil which I wore for five years
in a row, and my personal favorite, Snow White, which I ordered from
the Disney catalog when I was seven.

Last weekend, I saw girls wearing all three of these costumes — and
they looked the same size as the costumes I wore when I was six years
old.

For many girls, the No. 1 Halloween priority isn’t making sure the
costume fits under a coat because of cold trick-or-treat weather.

It’s about looking sexy.

Bunnies, devils, cowgirls — when it comes to every Halloween
costume, less is more.

I could say costumes like this are wrong. Halloween should not be a
holiday where girls dress up, or rather, dress down, in scantily clad
ways.

But honestly, I don’t have a problem with it.

The essence of Halloween is the fact people can dress up in ways
they could never do any other day. It’s a holiday to be something
different.

For some girls, that difference is a bit sexier than the usual
daywear.

I see Halloween as any other day. When we go to class, some girls
decide to wear tight clothes, put makeup on and do their hair. Others
decide to wear sweatpants and a ponytail.

It’s their choice what they wear, just like it’s their choice what
they wear for a Halloween costume.

Sure, Halloween gets “sexified” as we get older, but come on — we’re
on a college campus. Everything is like that now.

Whether a girl wants to be a hot cheerleader, sexy nurse or just a
normal, unsexy Christmas tree (another costume I saw this weekend),
it’s their choice.

You choose how to make your Halloween happy, whether it be with a
lot of clothes or not.

Costumes are a chance to have fun

By Mike D’Orazio

Staff Reporter

Dave Chappelle had a great skit once about females getting attention by
what they wear.

“Just because I’m dressed this way does not make me a whore,”
Chappelle mocked.

Chappelle said it would be like him wearing a police uniform and
someone asking for help. “Just because I’m dressed this way does not
make me a police officer.” Then he made an even better point.

“Fine. You are not a whore,” Chappelle joked. “But you are wearing a
whore’s uniform.”

Last weekend and this week is Halloween time at CMU. At least the
females actually have an excuse to dress like they belong on a street
corner. It’s the devils, the angels and all the ones in between.

Honestly, who am I to tell a grown woman how to dress? If dressing
up in a scandalous manner makes you ladies happy, then I’m all for it.

Just don’t expect me to look away.

Besides, attention is the whole reason you do it anyway. Attention
not only from the male population, but the female population as well.
You’re showing off, almost like it’s a competition.

If girls didn’t want to dress like that, they wouldn’t, just like
they wouldn’t pose nude or do pornographic movies if they didn’t want
to.

This late October holiday has become something everyone looks
forward to, something every male and female college student has come to
know and love.

In a previous CM Life story on Halloween, it was said the yearly
holiday reinvents itself as you get older. You trick-or-treat when
you’re younger and maybe dress up in high school at some point. In
college, you go to costume parties or maybe go to the bar.

Let’s face it, this is college. This is the time when we’re out on
our own becoming independent.

We’re all considered adults and many of us are 21 years of age or
older. We should be able to dress up and act stupid if we please.

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I
think she’s expecting something nice and expensive. Unfortunately,
after paying off my credit card this month, I don’t have the funds to
give her what she really wants. I want to make her day special, but I
don’t know what to do.

— Broke as a Joke

Dear Broke,

First of all, is this how your relationship has been? Does your
girlfriend expect you to pick up the bill every time you go out, to be
constantly showered with gifts, or to always do what she wants? Let me
tell you this now — those things won’t change. You’ll never be able to
completely satisfy her.

However, if the above scenario doesn’t sound like your girlfriend at
all, then we can move on. What’s her favorite meal? Cook her dinner,
pick up a bottle of wine, and have a nice romantic evening together.
Write her a heartfelt letter and let her know how you feel. Find your
favorite picture of you guys together, and frame it for her. You’ll win
major points in the romance department — and it will be from the heart.
Be creative!

— Christine

Dear Christine,

I’m a junior this year, and I think I’ve decided to change my major.
I’m not enjoying the classes at all, and I really only chose my major
to please my parents. I’m really worried about how much trouble it’s
going to be if I do end up changing.

— Second Thoughts

Dear Second,

Your parents are not the ones who will have to go do your job until
you retire. I know that parents can be a huge influence, but be mature
enough to stand up to them and do what you want to do. You’ll be much
happier 20 years down the road if you’re doing what you want, not what
your parents wanted for you.

Parents mean well, but prove to them that they raised you right by
standing up for what you want. You’re also right — it is a huge hassle
to change your major — but it’s easier to do it now than go back to
school once you’ve already established a career that you detest.

Do some major soul searching, career counseling and job shadowing to
be sure that what you change to is what you really want to do. Do the
research now, and you’ll thank yourself later!

— Christine

In case you’ve forgotten, daylight-saving time was implemented to
make people try to remember how to set the time on their car radios.

Sure, I know it sounds fun.

“An extra hour of sleep? More time for crazy parties?” you ask.
“Where do I sign up?”

Not so fast, partner. Daylight-saving time is a gateway drug, the
first step on the slippery slope down to crazy time traveling misdeeds.
Next thing you know, you go back and hurt someone.

What does that make you? A jerk, that’s what.

I don’t want to sound unpatriotic, but I refuse to commemorate this
event. It’s the ultimate example of human arrogance.

I don’t care if time is a man-made construct to begin with. You
can’t just set back clocks like that. I’m concerned about paradoxes in
the space-time continuum, and all you’re concerned about is your petty
farmland operations?

We have priorities here, friends.

The practice of DST is an antiquated one. It serves no actual
purpose but to carry on the tradition of human suffering. You know,
like “The Lottery” story or the necktie (you’d know this if you’ve read
“The Lottery” or have ever worn a necktie).

Knowing you miserable people, however, I know you’ll follow through
in corrupting your clocks. I’m ashamed of you all. Especially you.

And now, “Daylight-Saving Time is Awesome,” by Paul Isakson.

If you’re like me, you have a hard time waking up. If you are me,
then it’s a major testament of willpower to do so. I feel like I
deserve a parade every day just because of this. (Spoiler alert: The
parade never comes.)

This problem of mine stems from two roots.

The natural clock — my body isn’t programmed to operate before
noon, or on weekdays.

The “Happy Days” marathon that went on all throughout last night.
That stuff cracks me up.

Anyway, the problem remains — there aren’t enough hours in the day
for me to get my full 16 hours of sleep.

I came up with a pretty good solution, trust me.

Here it is — add an hour every week (“falling back,” as they say it
on the street). Falling back is great. It’s like time traveling back an
hour.

In fact, you can commit any crime in that hour, and then do
something completely innocent for the next hour. Your record will be
clean — brilliant, I know.

It may not be saving any daylight, but I’m sure the farmers will
understand.

I need my sleep. If we follow through on my game plan, I get my
extra sleep. Everyone wins.

“But wait!” you bellyache, “It’ll be dark out sometimes!”

Whatever.

We are, according to 20th Century-type people, in the future. We
don’t need to be awake during the day because we have robots to do that
for us.

Quit your bellyaching, it doesn’t become you.

Winner: Paul Isakson.

Paul Isakson can be reached at humor@cm-life.com.

My fiancé and I are planning a wedding for this upcoming
summer, and everything is going according to plan — almost. The problem
is one of my bridesmaids. When I asked her to be in my bridal party, I
wasn’t really thinking about all of the responsibilities I would be
giving her.

In the months since I have asked her, I’ve really started to notice
how unreliable she is. Anytime we plan to go somewhere, she shows up
late. She’ll tell me how she skips work for the worst reasons and blows
off class.

I don’t think I can depend on her to help me out. Is there any way I
can not invite her to be in my wedding?

—Bride to Be

Dear Bride,

I’m not sure if there’s any way that you can not invite her and
still expect to remain friends, unless you give her other reasons for
dropping her.

In this case though, she may need a wake-up call, and you could be
just the friend to give it to her. There’s a chance if you explain your
situation to her, she would be able to defend herself and prove to you
why she’s worthy of being a bridesmaid.

On the other hand, she may have realized how much it takes
(financially and otherwise) to be in your wedding party. She may be
looking for an out, too. Talk to her, and be open to the chance that
she’ll want to prove herself. Good luck!

—Christine

Dear Christine,

I have been dating this girl for a few months now, and she 
recently has invited me to go home with her for the weekend to attend a
family function. I have met her dad once, and he scares me.

The thought of spending an entire weekend with him is so
intimidating to me. I really like this girl, but I don’t know how I can
get past this.

Any thoughts?

—Fearful Boyfriend

Dear Fearful,

I think it’s a law of nature to be scared of your significant
other’s parents — you’re not alone. In fact, I would bet your
girlfriend is equally intimidated by your mom. I’m sure her dad doesn’t
mean to be so scary, but really, it is his little girl that we’re
talking about here.

This weekend will be a chance for you and her dad to really get to
know each other. If you ever want to get more serious with your
girlfriend, having a solid relationship with her dad will help.

Over the weekend, try to put yourself in his shoes and see things
from his perspective. It may take the edge off a little bit. I’m
guessing he’s been in your position before, so hopefully he’ll take it
easy on you.

—Christine

Christine Walsh can be reached at advice@cm-life.com.

Sweetest Day, according to the Internet, was founded in the early
1920s by Cleveland candy companies because “they just felt like it.”

These companies sent free candy to thousands of poor newspaper boys
around the city, who in turn ate the candy and remained poor. The
philanthropic legacy lives on through boyfriends buying generic
romantic things for their girlfriends.

Sweetest Day has become something like a younger, edgier Valentines
Day. It drops the interesting history but retains the act of filling up
gaping holes in relationships through fanatical consumerism.

It becomes yet another day in the year to remind me I don’t have a
girlfriend. Don’t worry about me.

Something most people have noticed about me is I am male. There is,
as I understand from watching a lot of stand-up comedy, a difference
between males and females.

Men like sports while women like shopping. Men enjoy steak while
women enjoy emotions. And the list goes on into infinity.

You know the scenario — the guy is trying to watch the “Big Game”
(alternatively, the “Big Fight”) and the lady wants to talk about
feelings or periods or whatever.

They end up fighting because he can’t “communicate” or “even look at
her anymore.”

That’s women.

“What do women want?” asked Freud.

We know what zombies want (brains). We know what dogs want (walks).
We know what theater majors want (attention). We know what Cheap Trick
wants (you to want me).

Women aren’t as easy to read as these groups of people.

Because of this, guys need a guide to what the ladies are thinking.
Since I steal most of the content for my columns from the narrative on
“Sex and the City,” I’ve decided that I possess true insight into the
minds of the other sex.

After too much painstaking translation, I published a book compiling
a list of romantic holiday gifts and what each gift means to all of the
ladies. It’s called “Women! Sheesh!”.

Start with the introduction.

Whoever gives the female the most gifts cares about her the most.
There’s a direct correlation between how much stuff she gets from a
person and how healthy their relationship is, despite what her friends
tell her (they’re just jealous).

Remember — if she’s not in a long-term relationship by graduation,
then she’ll never be happy. Let her settle for you.