2008 Woodie Awards
Being bearded is beautiful, beneficial
By: Frank Wisswell
Issue date: 2/20/08 Section: Lifeline
I have a beard.
And I'm OK with it.
The problem is, most of society is not.
Since I've started growing my beard, people have compared me to a lumberjack, a member of the Amish community, and that one dude from Iron and Wine (whose beard I appreciate more than his music).
No one compares me to some of the great bearded men like Aristotle, Charles Darwin, Sean Connery or Gandalf. I have been compared to Abraham Lincoln, but is that enough?
In today's society, we associate beardsmanship (term coined by Humor Columnist Paul Isakson circa 2006) with rabbis and members of the Muslim community. Whatever happened to associating the beard simply with looking awesome? A beard for beardship (term coined by Frank Wisswell circa 2008) sake?
To me, beardhood and manhood go hand in hand. It's something the ladies need to understand. If you like your man clean-shaven, there are plenty of high-school boys looking for a prom date. If you want a real man, my extension here at the CM Life office is 774-4340.
While beards on campus are becoming more and more popular (you have no idea how much they protect your face in the winter), they have yet to catch on in popular or even political culture.
There hasn't been a beard in the presidency since Taft left in 1913. Looking at the current presidential frontrunners, we're looking at a potential 100-year beard drought. Unacceptable.
No full beards, no mustaches, no goatees. Chinstraps? Don't even think about it. Soul patches? Are you kidding me?
Not to say politicians haven't tried.
When Al Gore appeared next to George W Bush in 2001 with a full beard, people questioned his beardly motives. Not only was he accused of having a midlife crisis or looking like an accountant on the lam (thanks a lot, Time magazine), but lampoons appeared everywhere from comics to Saturday Night Live (spoiler alert: it wasn't funny).
Gore, I soon realized, was showing dignity in beardsmanship.
And I'm OK with it.
The problem is, most of society is not.
Since I've started growing my beard, people have compared me to a lumberjack, a member of the Amish community, and that one dude from Iron and Wine (whose beard I appreciate more than his music).
No one compares me to some of the great bearded men like Aristotle, Charles Darwin, Sean Connery or Gandalf. I have been compared to Abraham Lincoln, but is that enough?
In today's society, we associate beardsmanship (term coined by Humor Columnist Paul Isakson circa 2006) with rabbis and members of the Muslim community. Whatever happened to associating the beard simply with looking awesome? A beard for beardship (term coined by Frank Wisswell circa 2008) sake?
To me, beardhood and manhood go hand in hand. It's something the ladies need to understand. If you like your man clean-shaven, there are plenty of high-school boys looking for a prom date. If you want a real man, my extension here at the CM Life office is 774-4340.
While beards on campus are becoming more and more popular (you have no idea how much they protect your face in the winter), they have yet to catch on in popular or even political culture.
There hasn't been a beard in the presidency since Taft left in 1913. Looking at the current presidential frontrunners, we're looking at a potential 100-year beard drought. Unacceptable.
No full beards, no mustaches, no goatees. Chinstraps? Don't even think about it. Soul patches? Are you kidding me?
Not to say politicians haven't tried.
When Al Gore appeared next to George W Bush in 2001 with a full beard, people questioned his beardly motives. Not only was he accused of having a midlife crisis or looking like an accountant on the lam (thanks a lot, Time magazine), but lampoons appeared everywhere from comics to Saturday Night Live (spoiler alert: it wasn't funny).
Gore, I soon realized, was showing dignity in beardsmanship.
Viewing Comments 1 - 7 of 7
Thomas Marcetti
posted 2/20/08 @ 9:04 AM EST
Amen brother.
I think a good full beard shows a certain level of dignity and wisdom. I've been working on my application for breadsmanship and I tell you what, local professionals and political figures love it. (Continued…)
Nick Smith
posted 2/20/08 @ 9:06 PM EST
Personally, I've always believed real men have beards.
Write that one down, people.
And while everyone's at it, how about finally stopping the stupid pretty-boy metrosexual trend? Get rid of those popped collars, pretty-boy garbage, and start acting like men again, instead of being a bunch of sissy hairless, borderline feminine individuals. (Continued…)
Kyle
posted 2/21/08 @ 2:32 AM EST
Frank, I just wanted to tell you I loved your article. Provided, it wasn't exactly earth shattering or newsworthy outside of CM-Life but it was a good one. (Continued…)
razor-less
posted 2/21/08 @ 10:17 AM EST
So Sad and yet So True.
As my man said: Keep on rockin in the free world
Andrew Pomerville
posted 2/21/08 @ 11:17 AM EST
BRILLIANT article. I couldn't agree with your sentiments more. Continue to fight the good fight and grow the good grow.
Beard on, brother. Beard on. (Continued…)
Randey Mathis
posted 2/21/08 @ 10:57 PM EST
Hail hail to the beard!
My beard once went to the bar when I was sleeping and beat up a bunch of chachi's dressed in pink popped collar shirts with frosted messy spiked hair wearing sandals. (Continued…)
Henry Van Loon
posted 2/22/08 @ 11:49 AM EST
Forget baseball. Hockey beards are all the rage.
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