The comment in question is a joke that I made saying that I wish a woman would offer her body rather than money for a pizza delivery.

The key word here is “joke.”

For the record, I was a Sexual Aggression Peer Advocate for six years. I have been part of dozens of programs all across the country, promoting the rights of women and condemning offensive behavior toward the idea of Sexual Aggression.

My comment was making a reference to a movie called “Loverboy,” in which a pizza delivery guy becomes a gigolo for hire.

I made the joke that while it has never happened to me, it is a fantasy that I wouldn’t refuse.
The joke that I made was made in sarcasm, and did not, in any way, depict an act of anything non-consensual.

To those who took offense to it, I apologize.

I wish you would have gotten the sarcasm rather than taken it literally.

However, any thoughts that I, or any of my affiliates, specifically The Cabin and SAPA, are in any way promoting the objectification of women can be dismissed.

To boycott The Cabin or accost SAPA members about one joke made by me personally would be a misplaced act of aggression.

Was my joke crass?
Yes.

Was it, perhaps, in bad taste?
Sure.

But does it promote Sexual Aggression or the objectification of women?
No.

If you disagree, please, come talk to me about it personally.
I would love to set the record straight.

But don’t take it out on my place of employment or my former colleagues — they have done nothing wrong.

Finally, I will say that joke does not appeal to everyone.
I have received mixed reactions to my joke by males and females alike.

You don’t have to agree with it, you don’t have to like it.
That is your right.

But you don’t need to be afraid to have me deliver a pizza to you.

I’ll hand you your food, you hand me money, and the transaction is over.
And I promise that if you make a joke that I don’t find funny, I wont condemn you for it.

Braden Thompson
The Cabin employee

But of course I would say that.

I used to be one.

Although Braden Thompson said most of his deliveries are relatively tame, there were quite a few interesting experiences during my tenure as a delivery driver this summer at Silvio’s Organic Pizza in Ann Arbor. Because Ann Arbor is weird.

From customers having to put down their weed bowls to pay me, to sorority girls answering the door soaking wet wearing only a towel, I have seen my share of shenanigans.

Mostly it was entertaining, but there were times when it bordered on scary.

There was the time that a customer — who ad nauseum stressed that he was a VERY important chef at a VERY prestigious restaurant — took me into his apartment in order to yell at me that there was not enough mozzarella on his pizza. He then had me call up my boss just so this guy could express his disappointment.

To my knowledge, the dude still orders from Silvio’s.

Like The Cabin, Silvio’s did not have enough deliveries to warrant somebody solely delivering pizzas, so I would spend a lot of time back in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, washing dishes and being shouted at by surly Italian men.

The owner and head cook, Silvio Medoro, had words of wisdom aplenty: When telemarketers called the restaurant, the proper response was to tell them to “F” off, according to Silvio.

The end-all, be-all of weird pizza stories for me, though, was my last day of work, when I was making deliveries without the GPS unit we usually had. Instead, I had to print out a Google Map to get to this woman’s house, but the map was slightly wrong.

I called her to ask her how, exactly, to get to her house from the nearest major road, but my phone died. I had to go to a gas station and look at a road map to see where my navigational error was, and finally make it to this delivery.

When I got there, the girl was very nice, very friendly, and tipped really well, but I didn’t think much of the encounter. When I got my phone charged, I realized she had called me back and left two voicemails, concerned that I had died and thus would be unable to bring her pizza.

I text-messaged her to tell her I found the voicemails amusing, and then she continued to call and text me after that.

For about a month.

I miss delivering pizzas.