A viewpoint from an older, more mature sophomore


allenlonnie

It’s a feeling that cannot be shaken easily. It gnaws silently deep down inside the gut. It overwhelms the thought process with big words, “I don’t belong.”

Fear clings at the edges of my mind, and I begin to feel like a fool.

I am on the outside looking in.

I know that freshmen have gone through the same feeling.

But I believe it’s easier for a young freshman to make the adjustment. I am a sophomore who is possibly double the age of most students on campus. It is not simple to adjust to, nor is making friends with people half your age.

I did not come to Central Michigan University because I need friends or as an outsider begging to be accepted. I came here for an education.

Walking to classes and passing this sea of faces, I smile in an attempt to gain acceptance to the masses on campus.

It makes me wonder: can anyone survive college without friends?

I chose this life I lead today right out of high school because college was not what I wanted back then. I wanted to be in California so much, I escaped Michigan by joining the Marines.

I stayed there after the Marine Corps. I lived in the village of Carlsbad. It was a block from the Pacific Ocean and, for the next six years of my life, I was living my dream. I cooked, waited tables and partied on the beach.

But that was not the dream I wanted.

A lot of time passed and I came back to Michigan. I went from 18 to 35 overnight, and realized life was passing me by. I wanted to get out of the restaurant life. I could not stand waking up another day not remembering the night before.

So I made the uneasy decision to go to college.

Today, I am the old dude that sits in class with many of you. Sometimes, I feel out of place and feel like failure is upon me.

It would be easier if I had someone I could relate to.

I just want what other students want at CMU: a college degree and the experience to become the person I dream of.

I feel the traditional student landscape is changing. Older learners are on campus. Older learners seek belonging from fellow classmates. Each student is the same, choosing CMU or any other college to better ones self.

I’m afraid of failing, but I’ve decided that if I fail, it will be on my own terms.

I accept the fact I am on the outside looking in at most things I do at CMU.

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