'Supernova' is just like the car, unoriginal
* out of five
"Supernova"
Rated PG-13 for bare butts
A wise man once said that one should
always be wary of films that play Sugar Ray tunes in their trailers.
His theories are once again proved with the dead
on arrival "Supernova," an unforgivable sci-fi action drama that has
the distinct pleasure of being the only film in memory that fails to
convey one single human emotion.
"Supernova" has been sitting around the shelves of
MGM collecting dust for some time now, and their cluelessness as to
what the hell to do with it was perpetuated by their throw it at the
wall and see if it sticks ad campaign. Ads first were powered by Sugar
Ray's "Fly," making "Supernova" appear to be a zany and fun space farce.
But more recently, "Supernova" has been touted as a serious space thriller
and the Sugar Ray has been banished. As it stands now, it's hard to
imagine even Mark McGrath himself walking out of "Supernova" with a
smile on his face.
And "Supernova" wouldn't be half as offensively bad
as it is if it was populated by unknowns, or even if it starred Sugar
Ray. But rather it manages to singularly flush away the talents of what
is a very cool cast, that includes James Spader, Angela Bassett, Robert
Forster, Lou Diamond Phillips, Robin Tunney and former Grahammy award
winner Peter Facinelli.
Everything's placid aboard the Nightingale 229, some
sort of medical ship orbiting around the middle of space, until they
receive a distress call from some far off moon. You'd think that the
crew (Spader, Bassett, Forster, Phillips, Tunney and "My So Called Life's"
Wilson Cruz) would be more than happy to answer the call, which would
add a little action to their days and nights of blankly staring at each
other and routinely pairing off into the odd zero gravity sex room (don't
ask), but they're worried. The distress call is coming from a known
space villain (?), but it's their duty to answer the call. But during
the required dimension jump (really, don't ask), which deftly and conveniently
calls for everyone aboard to get naked (Methods of Mayhem style! Where's
Fred Durst?), Captain A.J. Marley (Forster) becomes all gooey and dies
for no apparent reason (could it be that, half way through this slopbucket
of a film, Forster wanted out?). When they reach the distress call,
they find it's coming from harmless looking space frat boy Karl Larson
(Facinelli), and it was his dead father who was the super-arch villain.
And hey, Mike Dexter is a role model, Mike Dexter is a God.
But Mike Dexter is an alien! And he tries to kill
everyone aboard the ship. But he fails, right at the end. And Spader
and Bassett live and return to Earth. And she gets pregnant during their
return dimension jump.
The presskit for "Supernova" includes no biographical
information on the film's supposed director, Thomas Lee. He must have
been contractually obligated to disappear underground for the duration
of mankind as his punishment for working on this set for three months.
There's not a line of dialogue that is sold with
an ounce of emotion in "Supernova." It's as though everyone involved
in the process was heavily sedated during its production. Either that,
or the film's caterers were all giving the cast and crew hearty doses
of Valium to help ease the career blemishes.
And so it goes that "Supernova" marks career lowlights
for all involved. And as if it's even possible, that includes Sugar
Ray.
Look for all evidence of this film's existence to be done away with in a month's time.
