TONY VS. FOOD: 'I think I had a contraction'

It was gut-wrenching.

That was the thought that escaped me as I attempted to swallow the last few bites of La Senorita's 4-pound burrito.

The first half of the chicken and bean burrito stuffed with everything imaginable went along smoothly enough. Equipped with a 13-inch shell that could double as a shower cap for Mr. Clean, I finished the massive burrito in 25 minutes.

I didn't know there wasn't a time limit.

If I had one complaint, it would be the cheese. It seemed like every bite (or spoonful, because it was a wet burrito) was dripping with cheese that would clog both my arteries and my senses.

The results afterward were not pretty. Walking back required some assistance from a laughing coworker who "came along for the ride."

I have much more respect for all mothers, because now that I know what it feels like to walk around eight months pregnant. On my way back from the restaurant, I had at least three contractions.

In retrospect, humans are not meant to consume this much food.

Through all the cheese, flour tortilla, meat, bean paste, sauce and tomato I learned not to order a soda with the food.

Water works just as well, if not better.

In all honesty, when they began to make the burrito, I didn't think much of it. It wasn't until I saw the final layer piled on top and doused with enough sauce to make Charlie Sheen blink twice.

Like the Lions, I plan on staying just over the .500 mark for the remainder of my challenges in the hopes of attaining mediocrity.

It's comforting that I have managed to complete the past two challenges. I'm looking forward to the next challenge, whatever it might be.

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