TONY VS. FOOD: 'I think I had a contraction'


It was gut-wrenching.

That was the thought that escaped me as I attempted to swallow the last few bites of La Senorita's 4-pound burrito.

The first half of the chicken and bean burrito stuffed with everything imaginable went along smoothly enough. Equipped with a 13-inch shell that could double as a shower cap for Mr. Clean, I finished the massive burrito in 25 minutes.

I didn't know there wasn't a time limit.

If I had one complaint, it would be the cheese. It seemed like every bite (or spoonful, because it was a wet burrito) was dripping with cheese that would clog both my arteries and my senses.

The results afterward were not pretty. Walking back required some assistance from a laughing coworker who "came along for the ride."


I have much more respect for all mothers, because now that I know what it feels like to walk around eight months pregnant. On my way back from the restaurant, I had at least three contractions.

In retrospect, humans are not meant to consume this much food.

Through all the cheese, flour tortilla, meat, bean paste, sauce and tomato I learned not to order a soda with the food.

Water works just as well, if not better.

In all honesty, when they began to make the burrito, I didn't think much of it. It wasn't until I saw the final layer piled on top and doused with enough sauce to make Charlie Sheen blink twice.

Like the Lions, I plan on staying just over the .500 mark for the remainder of my challenges in the hopes of attaining mediocrity.

It's comforting that I have managed to complete the past two challenges. I'm looking forward to the next challenge, whatever it might be.

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in Central Michigan Life.