COLUMN: Saying no scares me
It's difficult to say no.
We struggle to say no to our bosses because we want to please them so we can move up in the company. We can't say no to our teachers because we want good grades so we can get a good job and have a bright future.
We try not to say no to our family members because they are a vital support system. We never say no to our friends because they're our peers, and we just want to fit in with someone.
Saying no is almost like putting a roadblock up, saying we can't do something, or we don't want to because it's not important enough. Saying no is seen as a sign of weakness because it's like waving a white flag, a sign of defeat like we can't do everything.
I hate the word no because I feel like it puts me in the position of helplessness. I don't like telling my bosses no because I know it lets them down. I feel the weight of their expectations dropping onto me like cinderblocks, bashing my future into small bits.
I hate telling them I can't do something for them. I'm supposed to be superhuman, supposed to be able to do anything and everything that this business expects from me. I'm supposed to be the top reporter and the top contributor because it shows them that I'm here to fight for this paper and for this school. It shows that I'm determined to make this work and nothing will get in my way.
This week has been hellish for me because I have an issue with saying no. I have editors down my throat because I couldn't come up with stories on time. I had my bosses telling me I can't do my job because I have too much on my plate.
I had people telling me I can't do my job.
My biggest problem is letting these people stick in my brain. It gets me down. I start to doubt myself, start to contemplate different ways to get out of the situation, out of the business and sometimes even out of life.
I let these comments about my competency stick with me because these are supposed to be people that know more than me. These are supposed to be people that help shape me and mold me into one of the best reporters out there. These are people that have the job of guiding us to be the best we can be as a staff.
But these are my peers.
We're all learning. None of us are perfect, and I need to start taking their critiques with a grain of salt, letting the pressure roll off my shoulders.
I need my self-confidence back. I need to remember there are jobs out there that I am more than qualified for, but I came back to school for a reason. I need to get my degree to create the best version of myself, because without that degree, I can't do anything.
I'm not superhuman. I can't do everything. I don't know everything. My classes are more important than anything.
I need to make the word 'no' a bigger part of my vocabulary. I need to get comfortable with letting other people down before I let myself down.
