COLUMN: Consent isn't sexy, it's required
Though I attend a university where I am surrounded by incredibly intelligent individuals, I am constantly surprised some of my peers cannot understand a simple command that even my dog can grasp: No.
When it comes to consenting to sex, there is only one 100 percent, fool-proof way of knowing your partner is ready and willing, and that is the presence of a clear, continuous, enthusiastic 'yes.'
Robin Thicke got it wrong – there are no blurred lines when it comes to consensual sex. I think it is way past the time college students understand that.
Because I know someone out there is confused, looking for little loopholes in my basic definition of consent, I'll dumb it down some more. There are several ways of telling if your partner is not consenting to sex, and this goes way beyond just saying no.
First, consent should be mutual. If both people aren't crazy about the idea of fornication, move on to something else. Watch a movie or eat an entire pizza. Whatever.
Having a prior relationship with someone or being in a relationship with them now does not automatically mean it's OK.
Consent should also be continuous, meaning that you are allowed to stop at any time, and, just because there was consent to one sexual act, does not mean there is consent for a different one. Always asking is best for both parties.
This is probably the most confusing thing about consent–a person who is mentally or physically incapacitated by drugs or alcohol cannot consent to sex.
Drugs and alcohol seriously interfere with a person's ability to decide if they should consent or not, so a smart thing to do is call it a night.
Just because someone isn't saying no, doesn't mean they are saying yes. Like any aspect of intimacy and relationships, communication is extremely important.
If you're not actively making an effort to discuss you and your partner's wants and needs, you are probably not going to have good sex anyways. Communicating is a win for everyone.
I plead to the general public to get rid of the phrase "consent is sexy." Consent isn't an added bonus feature. Consent is necessary, respectful, caring and required if you're looking to be a decent human being.
And if you haven't heard, being a decent human being is extremely sexy.
