The accidental rapist
A survivor once told me, “My rapist doesn’t even know he’s a rapist.” Those words haunt me. In my work as a sexual health educator and activist, this issue comes up quite often. Working on a college campus means that any discussion about consent is also a discussion about alcohol. The intersection of the two raises many questions about the definition of rape.
Some issues are cut and dry. For example, if one person encourages another to drink with the intention of inebriating them to the point that they make a decision they otherwise wouldn’t, and then proceeds to have sex with them, that is rape. That is an active attempt to circumvent a person’s right to decline sexual contact.
Other issues are not as straight forward. Some rapists did not intend to rape their victim. Some rapists did not have malicious intent. Some rapists thought they had consent. So how do we compare these “accidental” rapists to those that knew exactly what they were doing?
I liken this situation to the difference between murder and manslaughter. Murderers intend to cause great harm. They make an active decision to hurt another person grievously. Someone that commits manslaughter, on the other hand, did not intend to harm anyone. He or she did so out of neglect.
This is the fault of the “accidental” rapist. He or she may not have meant to hurt anyone, but that does not diminish the pain of the victim. When a person chooses to engage in sexual contact with others, that person has a responsibility to make sure everyone involved agrees to the sexual contact and is able to make that decision.
If you have sex with a person that has been drinking, there is no way for you to be 100% sure that your partner is able to consent. They may seem okay, but in actuality, they could be black-out drunk. If you have sex with a person that has been drinking, you run the risk of miscalculating how drunk they are, and harming them deeply without meaning to.
If your partner wakes up naked and violated with no recollection of the night before, your intentions don’t matter. You neglected to be 100% certain of your partner’s ability to consent, and you hurt them. You knew they were in a vulnerable state, took a risk, and seriously harmed someone. That’s not okay.
Perhaps the “accidental” rapist isn’t quite as evil as the intentioned rapist, but the results of his or her actions are the same.
