Chippewas coming out
Today is the day.
By the time you have finished reading this sentence, you and the rest of Central Michigan University, will know Delany Lemke is a lesbian.
It's Coming Out Week, and the 18-year-old Marysville freshman finally feels confident enough to tell you who she really is.
When people read this story, or the Facebook status she posts this week, Lemke knows some family and friends may not look at her, or treat her, the same.
The support and acceptance she has received since she arrived at CMU has helped liberate her, she said, and it encouraged her to share her personal journey.
"I can't express how happy I am to be here where I can be loud and proud," she said. "I'm just glad I learned to accept and share my identity no matter what."
It started when she realized she had a crush on one of her close friends. Though it was a short relationship, coming out in this way lead to her decision to tell her mother.
But it wasn't easy.
"I remember lying on my couch feeling like I was going to throw up, trying to work up the courage to say something," she said. "My mom has never given me any reason to believe she was homophobic so I felt it was a good time to come clean."
After telling her mother that she thought she liked women and men, her mother hesitated, causing Lemke to panic. In the time that followed, there was no further talk about it.
"She was really scared that I would be treated poorly in our little, conservative town," Lemke said.
As time passed, Lemke realized that she identified as a lesbian. She said the shock of coming out to her mother wore off and she thinks that it allowed her mom to collect her thoughts and accept Lemke's identity.
"It's the little things that mean the world to me now, like when I applied for CMU and she handed me a pamphlet for a diversity scholarship," Lemke said.
When he woke up on the morning of his 17th birthday, Kyle Turner told himself that it would be the day that he would come out.
The Standish senior called his sister into his room and had her guess what he was going to tell her.
"My sister is my best friend, so naturally I had to tell her first," Turner said. "She didn't make a big deal out of it at all. She acted like nothing was different."
While relieved by his sister's reaction, other members of Turner's family weren't as supportive. After he changed his sexual orientation on Facebook, his aunt, who he was living with at the time, told his entire family.
Turner was then kicked out of his house.
"My family didn't want to talk to me, and it took them about a year to come to terms with it," he said.
Tipton junior Cody Wilson shared a similar story. During his senior year of high school, he wrote a seven-page letter to his parents, explaining the sexuality they he hid for his entire life. His parents' reaction was less than ideal.
"It was hard because they reacted pretty poorly," Wilson said. "If my parents didn't accept it, I thought no one would accept it."
After coming out to his parents, Wilson told everyone in a Facebook status. He received a lot of support, however, Wilson said it was hard to ignore what his parents thought about him.
"We weren't really on speaking terms. That summer was the worst summer of my life," he said. "It's hard to compromise who you are when you're supposed to feel the most comfortable around your family."
Lansing senior Steven Walker said that when he came out, word traveled quickly and his entire school found out.
"I put my trust in the wrong person," he said. "But then I really owned it, and people respected that."
After hearing about their son from other parents, Walker's parents approached him about coming out. Walker said this was an extremely awkward experience.
"They said that they had known for a while," he said. "They were super understanding."
While Walker felt fortunate that his parents were supportive, he said he would have rather been able to come out on his own terms.
"It's a very personal thing and should be done by you when you feel the most comfortable," he said.
Though Wilson's coming out experience was not what he had hoped for, he said it's good to recognize that even though it was extremely challenging, coming out changed his life for the better. He said he feels a thousand times more confident.
"I don't want people to not feel safe coming out, but I don't want to give them false hope either," Wilson said. "Just know your coming out will be very personal and individualized."
Someone coming out should plan strategically, Wilson said, talking to someone who would likely be supportive.
"You should never put your safety in jeopardy or sacrifice yourself because someone doesn't think you're adequate," he said.
When it comes to coming out, people that have been through it before stress the importance of preparing for both positive and negative reactions. Turner said that it's easier if you recognize that no matter how much support you get, there will always be people who say hurtful things.
"People said stuff about me, but I didn't let that get to me," Turner said. "Though you should be ready for positive and negative impact, you are finally in a different mindset and can live the way you want to."
While coming out can be met with opposition, Walker said that this unavoidable adjustment period will pass eventually. He said that after his family and friends adjusted, he settled into a new normal.
"My advice is to just keep swimming," he said. "It's not your job to make people accept you, and if you have to, that's a good sign that you probably need new friends, because the real ones will love you unconditionally."
