HOFFMAN: Couples shy away from conversation about porn, but it's not a big deal
There are a lot of things discussed by couples — life goals, religious beliefs, ethics, the list goes on — but one thing they often steer clear of is pornography.
Porn has become ingrained in our society. Adult stars like Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy have become household names around America.
But what role does porn play in relationships? Does it play a role at all?
People are often shy when asked about pornography. Most will admit they watch it, but they will not divulge what genre they prefer.
I have had many conversations with friends — both men and women — about porn, because let's be honest, it's fun to talk about. But I have yet to see a consensus in what those people think.
I have friends (mostly women) who think their boyfriends should not scour the Web for smut because they "should be enough to satisfy them." I also have friends who think it's no big deal.
Personally, I think it's a conversation that needs to be had between two people in a relationship. Porn is often thought of taboo and therefore left unspoken. I tend to side with those who think it's not a big deal, and here's why:
Two people in a relationship are committed to one another and watching porn is not a sign of wavering commitment, and is not the same as infidelity.
Porn is (or at least should be) one thing — a fantasy. It is not real life. And by most accounts, it shouldn't be taken too seriously.
If a man, or woman, wants to go home after a long day and surf to their website of choice and get down with themselves, then that is more than OK. Porn is not a threat to a relationship, and it shouldn't be treated as such.
The reason it is not a threat is because it doesn't have anything to do with the other partner. Porn should be left as a fantasy, and nothing more. Just because people might watch a specific kind of pornography does not mean they want their significant others to do those things.
If porn is an issue for someone it is a conversation that needs to be had between two people. But in my opinion, what people do alone in the privacy of their own bedroom is no one else's business, and sometimes that includes a significant other.
