COLUMN: Wash your hands, people



People are gross.

That’s really all there is to it.

Actually, people are many other adjectives, too, but “gross” takes the cake.

On two separate occasions this week, I have been in the bathroom and witnessed people leave without washing their hands.

And we wonder why we’re all getting sick; probably because we are surrounded by disgusting people.

It’s quite simple, really. You go to the bathroom, you wash your hands, you continue on with your day. That’s something we all learned in kindergarten and are constantly reminded of by not only our mothers, but those signs we see in restaurant bathrooms encouraging employees to wash their hands before returning to work.

I thought it was second nature, but I must have been mistaken.

I think we should take action.

We should employ people to hang out in bathrooms and keep an eye out for people who think they’re too good for hand-washing. Those people should follow the unclean out of the bathroom and pin a sign on them saying, “I am disgusting and haven’t washed my hands in who knows how long.”

Maybe that will teach them a lesson.

If that doesn’t work, we’ll have to take more extreme measures. I’m talking censors in doorways to detect unwashed hands, cameras at sinks tallying the number of people making use of the soap and water or maybe somebody directly outside of the exit smelling people’s hands for the scent of soap.

But, since none of my solutions are realistic, I’m begging you: for the good of us all, just wash your hands. The entire process takes about one minute and does everybody a favor.

You might not think this is a big deal, but I’d like you all to take a second and think about the last person who you shook hands with. What if they hadn’t washed their hands?

How about the last person you high-fived?

Or exchanged money with?

And what about the person who you borrowed a pencil from and never returned? We both know you chew on that pencil.

Gross, right?

I’m not saying I’m going to patrol the bathrooms or call people out for avoiding the hand-washing, I’m just saying it won’t kill anybody to take an extra minute or two to make use of the soap and water.

And a word to the wise: if you’re going to be gross and avoid the hand-washing process, at least make sure nobody else is in the bathroom.


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