COLUMN: Eating disorders do not discriminate
“But, I’m not sick enough.”
My voice broke and my throat closed up, tears welling in my eyes as my doctor met my gaze. He explained what my eating disorder was doing to my body. My hands shook as I took the pamphlets he handed me. As he urged me to seek counseling, I grabbed my jacket and fled from the office.
One of the themes of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2015, which took place this week, is that eating disorders do not discriminate, and I am living proof of that. I am a woman leader on this campus who frequently advocates for feminism, women’s rights and bringing mental illness, addiction and eating disorders into the light without shame—and yet, I couldn’t allow myself to accept that an eating disorder had reached me, too.
It couldn’t be that bad.
As I relayed the words of my doctor to a mentor later that evening, she asked me what my hesitation was. When I told her I hadn’t hit bottom quite yet, she uttered words that made me face reality:
“What does rock bottom look like, Tori?" she asked. "You’re going to keep making it lower and lower. Will your rock bottom be death? Listen to me—you do not have to hit rock bottom to turn around.”
As I let those words sink in, I realized the truth within them. Hadn’t I already missed enough nights out with friends, classes, work shifts, family dinners and more? Hadn’t I ruined enough relationships because of the secrecy and lies I frequently tangled myself in? Hadn’t I had enough of standing on a podium, speaking to women about how capable and strong they are, then later hiding under my covers, cowering in the shame of my hypocrisy?
Eating disorders do not discriminate. Anyone, no matter their body type, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or class can become trapped in the vicious cycle of disordered eating. The idea that eating disorders only occur in young, white, thin females is completely incorrect. Please hear me say this—your struggle is valid.
If you struggle with an eating disorder, please know you are not alone. There is hope, help and healing for you. Life doesn’t have to be a constant inner battle. You can win, once you decide you are worthy of turning around.
Rock bottom is right now, and you have a decision to make. I hope you make the right one—a choice for living your life to the fullest, living a life free of an eating disorder.
I have made the same decision, and we will fight for recovery together.
