Gay students say they are more prone to being stereotyped
After coming out as bisexual to her family, Noelle Goffnett realized that they’re okay with her sexuality as long as they pretend she’s a lesbian.
This isn’t an uncommon problem among the bisexual community. She noticed that many people can accept when someone identifies as gay or straight, but can’t accept the gray area in between.
Goffnett noticed that the level of comfort people have with bisexuality varies among the groups of people she’s with. Among bigger circles of people, it depends on how well she knows them, but it’s often still either glossed over or not taken seriously. Otherwise, it just doesn’t get talked about.
“I was just happy it was going well, so I didn’t want to get into it,” said Goffnett. “I realized people either use really broad, vague terminology or they’ll straight up say I’m gay. I think they’re just more comfortable with that.”
When Goffnett was first coming to terms with her sexuality, she had friends who identified as gay or lesbian. Some of them would joke and say that bisexuality is a stepping stone to gay and claim that it’s an attention-seeking sexuality.
“I remember thinking ‘this is weird, why am I crying in the bathroom? I still get told that all the time actually,” she said.
Goffnett believes her mother already knew that she wasn’t straight before she even came out to her. However, her mother still reacted poorly when she cut her hair short.
“It’s weird when you think about straight people or society as a whole. They always want people in marginalized groups to be like ‘you’re so unlike us, this is why things are like this for you. It’s because you’re different,’” said Goffnett. “Then, when people don’t look gay, it’s a really weird thing where they want us to be exactly like them but also totally different or else they don’t think it’s valid or real.”
She finds that when she presents herself in a butch or masculine way, people assume she’s actually a “low-key lesbian.” When she dresses more feminine, they switch their views to “I don’t think you’re really queer”.
Assuming sexuality based off looks isn’t foreign to Marysville freshman Delany Lemke, who identifies as a lesbian. Some people look at her and don’t believe she’s really a lesbian because she presents herself in a more feminine way, she said. When she was considering cutting her hair short, she was asked if she was making a statement.
“I was told by my guy friend that I’m totally not a lesbian, that I don’t look like a lesbian,” Lemke said. “They want to see us on us and be able to identify it from afar. We look like you, we walk among you. Fear us.”
She noticed that people are assumed to be straight until proven otherwise.
“It happens in writing a lot. I’ll write a queer character and then people will ask why I made them queer and what it adds to the story,” she said. “It’s like, well I’m queer, do you need to know what that adds to my life? It’s basically that this isn’t a straight, white dude so why did you do that?”
Fowlerville freshman Ben Goike identifies as heterosexual, but finds men that view lesbians as a challenge are hard to take seriously. As soon as a man says that they can make any woman who isn’t interested or lesbians who aren’t interested in men, he finds it “hard to agree with anything they say after that.”
“I think that straight men really like challenges and they see a feminine or any women really that says no to them as a challenge to make them want them,” said Goike.“Obviously that isn’t going to happen but some people just can’t accept that some women just don’t want men. I’ve never thought that because it’s ridiculous.”
Lemke and Goffnett agree that one of the ways to get rid of the stereotypes and assumptions surrounding sexualities is visibility and representation.
“My parents has neighbors who are lesbians and they’re always blown away when they see the more feminine one mowing the lawn. I think it just makes them more comfortable to assign people to what they’re more comfortable with, even if it’s disrespectful and inaccurate,” said Goffnett. “I think talking about these things and not just in the hypothetical way, but with people actually saying their experiences specifically is really helpful.”
