Homecoming signs will boost sorry CMU spirit
CMU, we have a problem.
School spirit has reached a new low.
This lack of pride consumed my thoughts all weekend. It haunted my sleep, and glared menacingly in the mirror as I shaved.
I heard football attendance was down last weekend. I wouldn’t know. I was home watching the University of Michigan game.
I’m still irked over the Nazi policies for student tailgating. Tucking us in a corner like a soiled dishrag has marred school spirit.
And so CM Life hired me to restore confidence. I’m an expert on asinine matters involving this university.
The problem is, we’re not making enough colorful signs. Remember those things where you write something like ABC and put other useless words for each letter?
Creative stuff.
What better way to demonstrate that propagandist love for CMU than with a catchy slogan? Now that homecoming weekend is approaching, I urge you, the little people of CMU, to help bolster school pride.
I’ve provided a master list. Get those markers out.
- I drink because it makes CMU play better
- Where is everyone?
- R.I.P. Division I-A status
- Heil CMU Athletics
- Don’t worry, Herb: They counted me twice
- I love Michael Rao
- I promise I won’t leave at halftime
- We must protect this house
- Will drop pants for victory
- My intramural team could beat you
- Aren’t there any better games on TV?
- Go, Fire Up Dips
- Why can’t I simulate this game?
- We want Pete Shepherd
- Go Western
- We’re going to kill Bowling Green
- I miss Mike DeBord
- Beer pong this, coppers
- I came for Jerry Seymour’s C-Men
- Can I play quarterback?
- Ladies, the party is at my place
- Osama was here
- Don’t throw another screen pass
- I found Rao’s bunker
- Put in Vickers
- I made-out with the drug dog
- I’m staying for the whole game
- Brian Kelly = Mein Fuhrer
- What’s the score of the Grand Valley State game?
- Thank God we still get in for free
- G-G-G Unit
- We burned your bus
- Mike Gruzwalski for Groza
- 15 yards for totally sucking
- Tailgating is the only reason I’m here
- I thought this was the field hockey stadium
- Insert win HERE
- Wow, you guys are even uglier in person
- Jock straps tickle
- Let’s go to the Pub
- Is the score supposed to be this lopsided?
- Tear down the goal posts
- Is it over yet?
Lifeline Editor Jason Witz can reached for comment at Rao’s bunker or lifeline@cm-life.com.
