COLUMN: Man up, ladies
Several months ago, I was having drinks with some male acquaintances, me and four guys, and I expressed my dislike for a woman we were all acquainted with.
The conversation about this person was already negative, but when I chimed in, the conversation took a turn.
“You don’t like her because you’re a woman.”
Huh? “What do you mean, because I’m a woman?”
They proceeded to tell me women hate each other, always. More often than not, they said, it boils down to petty jealousies.
Instead of disliking this person for whatever reason I may have had, because I was a woman, and the object of my disaffection is a woman, I had to dislike her because of jealousy.
I was instantly offended.
But right then and there, I gained great insight into how men think. They are impossibly chauvinist — but without trying. I don’t think it’s done without malicious intent.
For whatever reason, they feel the need to dismiss women, years after several feminist waves and various other alleged gains for women.
It is very easy for men to assume that when two women dislike each other, it boils down to jealousy over something ridiculous, like the other’s boyfriend, or each other’s hair.
I’m quite resentful of that conversation, not of my friends, but of their line of thinking — and if they think this way about me, they’re thinking it about all women.
Consider the portrayals of women on television. While I love “Sex and the City,” unfortunately, all the women are displayed doing is talking about men. What else are men supposed to think of women if this is the show that completely speaks to our and preceding generations?
The fact of the matter is the blame lies with the women. Women need to work to change this perception.
Women, in my generalized experience, are afraid to show they are capable of intelligent conversation.
Women are beyond capable of engaging in the important conversations, and yet when men are around we tend to clam up, as though it’s 1955 and all of the progress for us never happened.
Women need to realize having an opinion — other than about highlights or self-tanner — is not the end of the world.
This isn’t to say it isn’t fun to be silly and frivolous, but doing it in front of men makes them think that’s all we’re capable of, and so many years have been devoted to proving the exact opposite of that.
We don’t need to choose between Madonna and whore, Marilyn or Jackie. We can all find a happy medium, and be whatever it is we want to be.
It is the responsibility of our generation to correct that perception. We need to embrace our cleverness, and not shun it.
Otherwise, as a male colleague (because clearly, I cannot finish a thought on my own) said, why aren’t you all back in the kitchen?
