COLUMN: Be the beard
I saw her from across the bar. I couldn’t tell you her name or if she was blonde or brunette. I couldn’t tell you if she was the slightest bit attractive.
Honestly, she wasn’t what I was looking at. She was in the way.
It was the brown-red bronze beard in the distance that caught my eye. When she moved, it seemingly shimmered in the light — a beard for the beard enthusiast. Some call the long, shaggy style “The Mountain Man.” Facial hair haters would say it’s a monstrosity.
To me, it’s a lifestyle. My lifestyle and damn proud of it.
I was 11. It was sixth grade when the first few hairs sprouted on my pre-pubescent face. The other kids teased. Tween boys compared the scraggly whiskers to pubic hair on my cheek. I didn’t find it nearly as humorous.
A month before my 14th birthday I went to band camp, and was one of only three freshmen men. As I tried to make a good impression on the upperclassmen, I realized my beard made me seemingly one of them.
I’ve experimented. I’ve shaved it into many fashions.
Mutton chops. Goatee. Handlebars. Chinstrap. The Elvis. The James Hetfield. the list goes on.
My mom has called my “lazy winter break beard” “The Grizzly Adams.” I think I’m more of an Abe Lincoln man.
I’ve shaven it into a mustache, but only once as I looked like a rapist or a serial killer.
My most popular, though, is an Amish style beard with a long, let-it-grow-where-it-may attitude. It started because I was lazy, but it grew on me. It’s become my prominent feature, and it is that way for most men.
For many men, facial hair defines who they are as men. Depending on how you choose to groom it (or not), it can display your personality to everyone around you.
If you can even grow one. I know a lot of college-aged men without the genetics. My friend, who shall remain nameless, has the boyish face of a 12-year-old. Smooth skin, not a hair on him. He has beard envy.
As for women, I know some who crave it, can’t date a man without one. That’s definitely not a majority, as many view them as gross, dirty food traps where odors and crumbs decorate the face like a Christmas tree.
Personally, if a girl doesn’t like facial hair, she’s not for me. I won’t change that.
It may sound weird, but a few of my close friends and I actually consider ourselves "beard brothers." The only way to be initiated into the "club" is to rub beards with another member.
The bristle really doesn't hurt.
I guess what I’m trying to say is: Beards are back. They’re in style again. It’s become more popular — nay, more acceptable than ever in the last 60 years.
In the 1950s, the beard wasn’t shunned, but no teenager or 20-something dare grew one. It was the clean-cut look that girls craved. In the ’60s and ’70s, the only ones with beards were labeled hippies. In the ’80s, television and music icons brought the beard popular acclaim. Whether you were a fan of Mr. T’s B.A. Baracus of "A-Team" acclaim or the ever-memorable ZZ Top performances with beards past their waist, beards began to take a new form.
There have always been traditions with beards. The most popular in Michigan is by far playoff beards for the loyal Detroit Red Wings followers. The team has made it to the playoffs the last 19 years, though Wings fans would only have been growing the beards out since its birth by the New York Islanders in the early 1980s.
The beard has become a powerful statement, even in the last decade.
In Sunday’s Super Bowl, fear the beard became a motto for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Defensive end Brett Keisel grew his beard out since June 2010.
“People are saying that I’m taking beard-enhancing drugs, but I’m not,” Keisel joked with media representatives before the game.
Forget the Terrible Towel, this is the terrible beard.
Celebrities are sporting them more for pleasure than roles in movies. Here’s looking at you Brad Pitt, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. You make me proud.
Talk show host Conan O’Brien grew his in protest and came back bigger than ever when his new talk show hit TBS in the fall after his NBC debacle.
And a personal favorite — Ke$ha sings of her love for beards and speaks openly about it to the media. All of these people are empowering the movement.
I protest razors. Be natural. Be real. Be a man.
Find yourself in your beard, men. Don’t be afraid to grow it out and see what it looks like, how it feels and how much older or sophisticated people find you.
If for nothing else, do it for natural insulation. It is winter, right?
By the way, real men don’t use shaving cream. They shave with a straight razor.
