ADVICE COLUMN: How to ask to STI/STD tested, discuss 'the number'
“How do I approach the subject of STD testing for my boyfriend? I don’t think he has gotten one in a while and I would just to like him to make sure.”
Just be straightforward and say, “I would appreciate it if you got tested.” If he has a problem with it, that isn’t good. If you’re in a committed relationship, he should be more than willing to do this.
I think if you start having sex, you should also be able to handle the responsibilities that come with it, which include getting tested regularly and being responsible about birth control.
I hope no one listens to their partner when they say, “Well I don’t have any signs of an STD, so I’m fine and don’t need to be tested.” Many men can be carriers of a disease and not show any signs, then end up passing it to the girl, who then starts showing the symptoms.
Many times now it’s as easy as going to the health department and getting your mouth swabbed, but I’m sure that’s only to test for HIV. Women, when they get their annual pap smear, also have those samples tested for STDs.
Honestly, it’s laziness and fear that keeps people from testing, but getting tested is a lot less invasive than if you catch something and have to be treated for it the rest of your life. I would also offer to go with him and get tested yourself.
“My girlfriend asked to know the number of women I’ve slept with, but I’m not sure if I should tell her.”
Only tell her if you know, and I mean know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she can not only handle your number, but that you can handle hers.
This could go a couple ways; either you tell one another and you both are comfortable with the numbers, or it causes friction between you two.
Sometimes once you come forth, you’re fine with the numbers and it strikes up a conversation about your sexual history. This can be good as well.
If you or she gets upset, just realize that those numbers make up your past, which is unrelated to your relationship now.
For advice, email me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my formspring account, http://formspring.me/JordanCSpence.
