ADVICE COLUMN: If a relationship is bad, get out
I have noticed a trend lately that for some reason seems to be growing at a rapid pace; more and more people I know seem to be settling into terrible relationships.
It’s nothing new, but at this point, I can’t take losing any more friends to people who don’t treat them right.
I don’t mean they are being abused, although some unfortunately are, but they stay in relationships where fighting, tears, cheating and insults are normal.
It never should be.
Yes, serious relationships go through ups and downs and sporadic fights, but the majority of the time, it should be a safe, happy and secure place.
I’m lucky my parents have had a good relationship, good not perfect. I’ve seen them fight like any normal couple and survive illness, job loss and money being tight, but I’ve never seen them completely lose respect for each other and their relationship.
Parents aren’t the only people a younger generation can look to for good examples. If your parents don't have a good relationship, look to other family and friends who do.
I’ve grown up seeing various relatives and friends around me in good relationships who have shown and taught me what real love is, which is yet another reason I'm saddened to see beautiful, smart and funny friends stay in a bad relationship.
It’s usually because they’re scared to leave or they think they’re in love, but what’s so much worse about being happy and single than miserable in a bad relationship?
People need to take hold of their singledom, find what makes them happy, strong and confident; then and only then will they be ready for a relationship.
Have fun with your friends, work out, take a vacation, start a new hobby or focus on your career. Do whatever makes you happy and feel good.
Surround yourself with people who want the best for you as well and treat you right, and a good relationship will fall into place when the time is right.
If you’re in a bad relationship, tell yourself you are worth a better one. It’s simple and effective.
Trust me, after being single for two years, it was worth the wait for the right guy, who is wonderful and treats me right.
The wait meant I went home alone from the bar instead of settling for the jerk who grabbed me like a piece of property. It meant attending weddings dateless and making it through a few holiday seasons single, but I never settled.
Remember, nothing worth fighting for comes easily and without some strife.
For advice, email me at spenc1jc@cmich.edu or submit a question anonymously to my Formspring account.
