COLUMN: Make new friends, and it's OK to ditch the old
There are some adages we’re taught as children that I truly believe should carry us through life, like “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” and “A lion shouldn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep,” but there’s one that I think we should all vow to toss out:
“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.”
First of all, categorizing your friends as silver or gold is childish, not to mention awkward. When does somebody cross the line from a “silver friend” to a “gold friend?” How many years until they become a “platinum friend?” What do they have to do to maintain their status? Weird, if you ask me.
Secondly, people make different friends for different reasons at different stages of their lives. There are the tried-and-true friends who have gotten you through breakups, family drama and times when it felt like everybody was against you.
There are the friends you turn to when you need a dose of reality, friends who understand when you just need to have a good cry, and friends who help you ignore all the things that are bringing you down and just offer you a drink. Or maybe two.
There are first day of school friends, really tough class study-buddy-turned-friend friends, work friends, hometown friends, bar friends, friend-of-a-friend friends and family friends. And each serve a different purpose.
We’re drawn to certain people for certain reasons, and sometimes one group of friends can’t do all of the things we need them to do.
That’s why it’s important to open your social circles and forget that silver and gold crap.
It’s fine to have friends you’ve been close with forever, but we shouldn’t be afraid to outgrow the old, to change our social groups, and to allow new people to fill the void.
Let’s face it. The girl you bonded with over your Barbie shoelaces in pre-K might not be the girl you turn to when you need somebody to stand by your side on your wedding day.
Maybe that friend is the person who allows you to grow and change in positive ways, whose friendship stands the test of time and teaches you that it’s OK to grow separately and independently. But, if she’s not that person, we need to learn that it doesn’t help us or our “friend” to hold on to a relationship that isn’t doing anything for us anymore.
If your friends aren’t challenging you to become a better person, cheering you on when you do something you’ve always wanted to do and picking you up when you’ve fallen (maybe with some stern advice), then they’re not for you. And that’s alright.
That friendship wasn’t a waste of time. In fact, it probably taught you something.
That person was probably exactly what you needed at the time – whether it was somebody to laugh with or gossip with or just BE with – but that person doesn’t have to be there forever.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, make friends. Make lots of friends.
Make friends with those you can go out and stay in and laugh and joke and cry and fight and still come out OK.
Make friends who understand you and support you, and get rid of people who do the opposite.
Oh, and stop color-categorizing your friends. Or, if you really feel the need to do that, at least choose more flattering colors.
